International dating: Should you play hard to get?

January 17, 2020 at 11.28am by in International Dating
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There is a popular myth: If you play hard to get, women will like you more. Maybe this applies to western culture to some degree, but it doesn’t apply to international dating.

The myth: Women want a man who is hard to get.

This is actually a fallacy. And here is why –

I can guarantee that this fallacy only leads to stressful relationships and unhappiness. Let’s have a look at some common “hard-to-get scenarios”:

  1. If an Eastern European woman doesn’t respond to your message within 72 hours, you shouldn’t send her another message.
  2. Don’t respond to her message within 12 hours.
  3. When she wants to make plans with you, become elusive.
  4. Pretend to be busy when you are not busy at all.

If any of the above scenarios has happened in your love life, you are doing it wrong. I understand why this fallacy looks great: “I should make myself the prize. That will make her try to win me. She will put a lot of value on a man that she has to work hard for.” However, this fallacy leads men to manipulate relationships, shut themselves out from letting Eastern European ladies discover who they are and hide their feelings/emotions. This fallacy only creates a fake “tough nut to crack” persona.

In western countries, men and women often play games with each other. That’s exactly why dating in the West is hard – you tell women that your schedule is full when you are not even busy; you make sure she sends you the last text message at night; you cancel plans with her in order to look elusive/high-value.

Now you may wonder, “The harder I am to get, the more she wants what she can’t have. Isn’t that correct?”

At the beginning, that can happen. Nonetheless, there is a further step and you will soon find out that once you finally give her what she wants, it will not look so good anymore. Therefore, this is actually a cat-string theory, i.e. if you dangle a string above a cat, the cat will keep clawing at the string (trying to get the object). When you finally give up the elusive string, the cat does not want the object any longer. Sad but true!

Now you’ve understood the nature of hard-to-get: this fallacy only attracts an Eastern European lady to the process rather than to you! It attracts her to the idea of having you, yet when she finally gets you, she will begin to question if she was that bothered in the first place. Hopefully, now it’s crystal clear.

Some western men even think, “That means I simply need to keep playing mind games with her in order to keep her wanting me for the rest of my life.” Therefore, they play mind games, never really give themselves to a relationship for fear of “losing his power”, and even withdraws into themselves for no reason.

Obviously, this is not the best way to find happiness in any relationship. As a matter of fact, only two types of women will stay married to men who play hard to get:

  1. A woman who plays the same game.
  2. A woman with lots of insecurities.

At the same time, confident, high-value and elegant women from Eastern Europe will have these behaviors instead:

  1. After being confused and assuming you are not interested in them, they will give up and move on.
  2. They become bored by your game and will move on.
  3. They think you are rude and they will move on.

Forget the “hard-to-get” game; actually, be a high-value guy.

Hard-to-get only makes having you the prize. Once a woman gets the prize, she has won the game you are playing with her. It is not a meaningful relationship in the long term. Note that Eastern European mail-order brides are looking for meaningful, long-term and sustainable relationships.

Hence, there must be a better way to become an attractive man – What ladies from Eastern Europe really want is a gentleman who is actually high-value.

You read that right. It’s very simple. Eastern European brides want to meet high-value men instead of men who are hard to get.

If you’ve only dated western women in the past, this concept might look foreign to you because playing mind games is the theme in the dating scene in western countries. Thus, it might take daily commitment to working at ingraining this into your character in the long run.

A high-value man devotes his efforts to becoming actually exciting and having a wonderful lifestyle. In the long term, this is exactly what makes an Eastern European woman believe a guy is genuinely special and worth marrying. In this way, she will understand that the prize is not about getting you only; the prize is about building a real relationship with a great guy.

Unlike hard-to-get, high value gives you the permission to be genuine and sincere. In contrast, hard-to-get only relies on telling men to hide who they really are or express a cold persona to hide their true intentions. Clearly, playing hard-to-get comes from a place of insecurity rather than a position of strength.

You must change your behavior if you are doing the following…

First of all, if you pretend to be busy, you are not high-value. Faking being busy means faking being interesting and exciting. Truthfully, if you pretend to have a wonderful lifestyle, you are not really building a truly wonderful lifestyle that attracts Eastern European mail-order brides. You need to actually build a varied, amazing lifestyle with good friends that keep you busy and active. Don’t pretend to be busy! Remember: fakers will get found out.

Second, if you are seeking validation, stop it. The essence of playing hard-to-get is a position of fear and weakness. Most men who play hard-to-get suffer from low self-esteem and lack of confidence. Sadly, many dating gurus teach men to play hard-to-get in western countries. In actuality, these men want women’s attention to make themselves look confident.

Third, if you are waiting for women to pay attention to you, you must stop waiting and start creating. Note that hard-to-get puts men in a weak and powerless state. Instead of letting you make things happen and create opportunities, hard-to-get teaches you to wait for a woman to pay attention to you.

What you need to do from now on:

In the first place, you need to be internally validated. By that I mean a high-value guy derives true confidence from himself because he doesn’t hope that a woman will come and give him all his self-esteem.

In the second place, you should build an amazing lifestyle. If your lifestyle is already amazing, make it even more amazing! Remember that high-value men have interesting lifestyles that excite them every day. High-value men are proud of their desirable lifestyles. If there is something that he wants to try, he won’t wait until his friends do it as well because he just does it regardless.

“A high-value guy leads his own life.”

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