8 First Date Tips Backed By Science That Will Make Your First Date Great

You remember the last date you went on, don’t you? The scintillating conversation. The secluded, moonlit beach. The waves crashing between each other’s feet. And the way you looked into one another’s eyes and knew, with no uncertainty, that you were destined to be soulmates.

Of course, that didn’t actually happen. In fact, it was more likely a series of extended and awkward pauses in a crowded restaurant. You were probably dying to end it before embarrassing yourself any further.

Science-backed tips for your first date

The truth is, you’re not a loser who’s unlucky in love. You may be approaching dating based on your own personal biases and expectations. Add in the nerve-wracking dilemma of planning the perfect first date, and you have a recipe for a romantic natural disaster.

So what makes the perfect first date? Believe it or not, you might find it in the least sexy place—science. Don’t believe us? Here are some science-backed first date tips that will take that date from unnerving to unforgettable in just eight easy steps.

Tip #1: Reframe Your Mind

No, we’re not suggesting you try to inflate yourself with all manner of unreasonable self-expectations. Quite the opposite, in fact. What we’re suggesting is to reevaluate yourself through self-compassion.

Kristin D. Neff of the University of Texas defines self-compassion as “consisting of three main components: self-kindness versus self-judgment, common humanity versus isolation, and mindfulness versus over-identification.” But how does this relate to dating?

It helps encourage a feeling of general connection with another based on honest evaluation and empathy. Self-compassion may be its own reward, but it also means forgiving yourself based on previous first-hand experience. Which leads to confidence—perhaps the sexiest trait any of us can hope to have.

Tip #2: Body Language—It’s More Than What You Say

No matter how stimulating the conversation may be, body language reveals more than mere words. In fact, it’s a direct mirror of how you’re really feeling. And when it comes to a first date, it’s critical.

A 2008 study from the Behavioural Science Institute in the Netherlands discovered that mutual attraction tends to be based on the ability to mirror one another’s behaviour. At the same time, these non-verbal cues can often reveal just how we’re feeling. Subtle hints such as folding your arms and crossing your legs reveal nervousness while leaning in suggests both interest and intimacy. This isn’t to suggest that if your date is tapping their feet excitedly during a first date it’s an indicator of disaster. It just means it might be a good idea to change the topic if you’d like it to end successfully.

First Date Tip #3: Be Prepared To Talk About Anything But The Weather

Think small talk and corny jokes are the perfect icebreaker? Think again—at least if your date’s female. Studies have shown that women are more attracted to dates that spark conversation topics that show curiosity and intelligence, not idle chit-chat.

But for many of us, the concept of finding deep, stimulating first-date conversation topics is more of a challenge than trying to plan a perfect date. Luckily, Arthur Aron of the Interpersonal Relationships Lab at Stony Brook University compiled a series of 36 questions designed to help build a deeper connection between two people. Among them:

●        If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?

●        What does friendship mean to you?

●        What would constitute a perfect day for you?

●        For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

Tip #4:  Location, Location, Location

Remember, it’s a first date. Not a marriage proposal. Don’t worry about that midnight stroll on the beach or a picnic under the stars just yet. In fact, forget them altogether. Rushing headfirst into the perfect romantic scenario is a sure sign that you’re trying too hard to impress.

Instead, consider a relatively neutral location—preferably someplace neither of you has been before. Coffee shops and restaurants are ideal (avoid nightclubs on account of noise and distractions.) Remember, you’re still getting to know one another. Interpersonal chemistry is crucial to your first date, and it can only thrive if there are as little an amount of preconceived biases as possible.

Tip #5: Opposites Really Do Attract

Depending on how opposite you are! If your date has an entirely different set of values and beliefs than yours—and by different, we mean violently opposed—there’s a very strong chance that it will simply set the stage for utter disaster. However, if you find their personality traits are entirely different from yours, you may find them to be not only endearing but perfectly complementary. Just ask Robert Levenson of the University of California, Berkeley.

In a 2007 study, Levenson studied long-term marriages and found that greater overall personality similarity predicted a higher degree of dissatisfaction in marriages, in contrast to a higher degree of marital success being linked with personality differences in many areas. So if you’re spontaneous and they’re analytical… they just might be the yin to your yang.

First Date Tip #6: You’ve Got 5 Minutes—Use Them Wisely

Our brains tend to be soft-wired for short attention spans. While it can be argued that this may be the result or the cause of digital culture, there’s a strong chance mutual attraction is established within the first 30 seconds of meeting someone as a result of hormonal chemistry, according to Rutgers University anthropologist Helen Fisher.

For many of us, making the impression of being sexy, interesting or appealing within a brief five-minute introduction is going to present a challenge. But the fact is, no matter how boring or dull you may find yourself, you’ve got a story. Use it to captivate, not denigrate.

Tip #7: Positive Thoughts, Positive Outcome

Like breeds like. Pessimism breeds cynicism. And cynicism breeds mistrust. But optimism breeds confidence and almost irresistible magnetism.

In a 2010 study, over 2,000 men were provided with photos of women, along with information about their personalities, both positive and negative traits. Researchers discovered that the group given a list of positive traits found a wider variety of women attractive overall.

So try to smile on that first date. Even if it’s forced.

Tip #8: There’s A Thin Line Between Confidence And Arrogance

Confidence is sexy. Beyond sexy. It shows security. Stability. According to a 2015 study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, researchers found the more confident a person was considered, the more likely members of the opposite sex were to perceive them as a desirable dating candidate.

But the downside to confidence? Arrogance. Empathy is considered just as equally valuable—and there’s no “I” in empathy. Remember the first tip about self-compassion. It establishes a connection. And connection is never a one-way street.

If you’re ready to take the plunge into online dating and find a potential match, please feel free to visit Ukraine Brides Agency. Step out of your comfort zone and try our pieces of dating advice to begin your international dating journey. Register with UkraineBridesAgency.com to find your Ukrainian lady love and we hope to see your love story featured in our success stories someday!

Olga P

Olga loves travelling and learning about different cultures. She enjoys taking photos, trying new foods, and spending time outdoors. A skilled writer, Olga is a language enthusiast as well. She enjoys meeting new people from around the world and trying out new recipes in her kitchen.