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Here are the Dating Lies It’s Okay to Tell

December 9, 2016 at 1.50pm by
Dating Lies

When you reflect on past interactions, more often than not, you catch yourself recognizing the benefits of hindsight and wishing you had said something else. Next thing you know, you’re pacing back and forth and your anxiety is pulling your face into different contortions. The many minutes you spend doing this is laced with several interjections. You come up with witty retorts a day too late or you begin to appreciate the benefits of widening your vocabulary after realizing that you could have better communicated your thoughts if only you had chosen a different word. Sometimes, sobriety blesses you with the realization that you shouldn’t have let that totally inappropriate story escape your lips. Other times, you realize all the troubles you could have avoided had you only told the truth and nothing but the truth.

Growing up, chances are your parents gave you more than an earful after they caught you in the act of lying. “Honesty is the best policy” and “The truth shall set you free,” they told you and, after repeat offences, they remind you. So, you promised to your parents, your best friends, and yourself that you would never ever lie again.

Lies, whether they’re the white variety or the kind that come from a bad place, have consequences that are so beyond our control. When you were still dating your first boyfriend out of college, you bragged about your mastery in baking and supported it with a detailed tale of waking up early on weekend mornings so you could watch and help your mom bake cookies, brownies, or cakes. “I love how freshly baked cookies make my apartment smell,” you exclaim. Months later, you got into an ugly argument with your now boyfriend. The loving person that he was, or probably still is, he wouldn’t think twice of forgiving you. Then he flashed you that toothy grin and said, “On one condition. Make me chocolate chip cookies.”

You screamed internally before saying, “Of course, sweetheart.” And then you screamed internally some more. You make pancakes out of the box, and even then, you couldn’t make decent ones. So how on earth can you bake cookies to show your boyfriend how sincerely sorry you are?

So, you turn to saints or your guardian angels for help. They aren’t exactly miracle workers. So, you look up recipes for chocolate chip cookies online, sweat while reading the instructions. You then take a trip to the nearest supermarket to buy all the ingredients. Then you sweat some more, much more, while making the batter and the rest of the baking process.

Then it’s judgment time. Your chocolate cookies couldn’t be more unspectacular. You see it in your boyfriend’s face after he takes the first bite. Your fake smile withers. You think of expressing to your boyfriend how disappointed you are because of his lack of appreciation. He swallows one half of the cookie and return the uneaten half on the china plate you hoped would make up for your chocolate cookies’ horrible taste. Then another argument erupts. It’s an even bigger argument. Your boyfriend tells you that he’s tired and fed up of all your lies and wants none of it from this moment on. He calls it quits. You leave his apartment with your plate of chocolate chip cookies that even you won’t dare to eat.

You’re single again.

All because you lied.

As you look for a new romance, try to take comfort in knowing that everyone lies. Well, not everyone. A survey found out that sixty-one per cent of people lie on their first dates. Nearly half of these liars fess up by the third date while a quarter wait until they’re in the act before delivering their confessions.

But you also know from previous life experiences that lying is sometimes okay and occasionally makes for an interesting story. Here are the dating lies it’s okay to tell.

1) Your name.

No, this isn’t permission to adapt a new identity. You can’t go from being an Emily to introducing yourself as Charlotte. If you’re looking for hookup, that’s completely understandable and acceptable. But if the reason you’re even dating in the first place is to end up in a relationship, it’s an absolute no-no.

What this means is you don’t have to give them your full name. You don’t even have to tell them you’re given name. If your parents named Emily, it’s perfectly fine if you introduce yourself by your nickname Emma.

So, why is lying just a little about your name advisable? It’s because there’s no guarantee that your date will go well or will lead to more dates. For safety purposes, use your nickname. That way, you can avoid creeps who will definitely stalk you online once they get the chance to.

2) Your address.

Lying about your address is also suggested for purposes involving your safety. You don’t want to run the risk of your totally horrible date showing up at your door completely unannounced, with a bouquet of roses and chocolates and an apology for insulting you on your first date. Chances are most first dates won’t lead to second, third, fourth, and fifth dates. So, don’t give away your address just yet unless you want unwelcome visitors turning up at your door.

Lying about your address isn’t a permission to fake your identity, as well. Don’t tell them you live in an upscale neighborhood just because you want to impress them or feel superior.

3) Your five-year plan.

This isn’t a job interview, so you don’t have to tell your date where you see yourself five years from now. Yes, you want to be in a loving relationship, but telling your date that you want to be happily married and a mother to two adorable kids isn’t going to fool yourself date into thinking that you’re truly, madly, deeply attracted to them. It’s a first date, not a marriage proposal.

4) Your culinary preferences.

Allergies are understandable and are one of the things that you should never ever lie about. So, he offers you a bite of his rotisserie chicken. Say no, instead of politely tasting his food. But don’t forget to offer an explanation. Instead of lying to them about how you dislike the texture and taste of chicken, just tell them that you’re allergic to chicken. Trust me. Even if you bring antihistamine with you, it won’t work like magic and prevent you from having allergic reactions.

You also don’t want to develop red blotches on your face and up in the emergency even before you get a chance to order dessert.

5) Your precise job title.

No, don’t lie about your job. Don’t say you’re a model when you’re a primary school teacher. Again, this is a date, not a job interview. Instead of telling them what you do for a living, tell them the things you like about the industry you work in.

6) Your annual salary.

This is pretty self explanatory. You don’t tell them how much you make. Be modest and don’t brag or complain about how much you get paid. First dates aren’t a suitable time to give them a sneak peak of your bank account.

7) Your thoughts when you first saw their profile.

This only applies when you’re dating someone you met on an online dating site or a dating app. Yes, you believe in love at first sight. But you know better than to date someone just because they’re attractive.

Their profiles probably contain a little description of their personality or, at least, how they see themselves. If you found them a little boring and archived their profile, so you can narrow down your choices, but later decided to give them a chance, that’s okay. But don’t give them a detailed narration of your step by step process when selecting who you want to date. Besides, it’s just not polite.

8) Your dating history.

In this day and age, it’s totally okay to go on as many first dates. The logic behind it is you don’t want to miss out on possibly the love of your life. If the night before, you went out on a date with someone else, your current date doesn’t need to know. Exclusivity is decided upon after a few dates.

9) The state of your life.

First dates are meant to be fun. This isn’t your support group where air out every bit of your dirty laundry for everyone to see. Or even if you met your date in the aforementioned support group, it still isn’t advisable to talk about your life dramas on a date. Moaning about life takes the fun and romance out of dates.

10) How much you’ve enjoyed their company.

So, the night comes to a close. By now, you’ve probably formed an opinion about your date. If you want to see them again, it’s because you’ve enjoyed the time you’ve spent with them. If you can’t wait to leave that place, it’s because they’re just not the type you’re looking for.

And there’s nothing wrong about that. However, that’s still not a license to tell them that you’ve had the absolute worst time. Politeness can go a long way. Who knows? You might meet them again under different circumstances.

Try your best to stick to this list when thinking about what and what not to say on your date. If you lie, don’t forget to come clean at an appropriate time.

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