Good Advice from Edward

Edward and his wife, Aurelia married 15 years ago after meeting online and have devoted their time since assisting Slavic ladies who would like to marry foreign men. This has also increased to offering advice to men.

This advise is sound and accurate. My own experience has me agreeing with everything that Edward says when advising men or ladies.

Edward and Aurelia are our agents in San Diego, USA.

I was copied in an email that Edward sent to Matt this week and after reading it thought it well worth sharing with all of you, as it is so pertinent. The email follows:

Hello Matt,

Thanks for the interesting and intelligent question. I’ll give you my take on the subject, which is not gospel of course, but just an opinion based on some exposure to the culture over the years.

First, the conventional tradition in Ukraine is not to date as we do in the West, but rather to be courted from the beginning with an eye to marriage. Courtship involves some degree of parental acceptance of and consent to the potential future mate – probably more so than in our culture. Of course, this varies from individual situation to another and may be less true in big cites or where a family’s values dictate otherwise. Modern young people everywhere see many of the same films and hear the same music so this too is evolving over time, but in general terms, “good girls” over there are interested in marriage more than temporary dating arrangements, and they tend to go for men that their parents would approve of. This may be true even when a woman is well past her 20’s and often much older. Their culture basically treats women as “property” of the family until they are wed. Having a good public reputation is a big deal there and something a decent woman dare not risk losing.

Second, male and female roles are fairly well established in Ukraine. Men are raised to be the family breadwinner (the good ones are just that, while the failures are spectacular) and the interface with the world while the women are raised to be makers of the home: good daughters, good wives, good moms and eventually to look after the elderly in the family. Since gender roles are widely established and accepted for generations, it is more of a matter of finding whose personality and character you like and less one of deciding who you are and who the other person is. Also, they seem a bit more interested in a man’s mind and personality and a bit less obsessed with appearance – though obviously they want a man to look decent and that he values his public appearance and has self-respect.

What this can mean (but does not guarantee it, of course) is that many Ukrainian women are pretty certain of what they want in a man and what they won’t accept. Being sure of that means that they are often more ready to recognize a winner when they see one and are quicker to move a relationship forward towards marriage than many Western women would be at the same point in a relationship. Engagements in Ukraine are often very short compared to ours – often lasting only a month or two at most before the wedding. So yes, they can be genuinely ready for serious decisions earlier than many women of other cultures.

Which is not to say that there are not scammers and opportunistic women with agendas out there. One has to read the woman’s communications carefully for signs that she is not being sincere. Good, positive signs to look for are that she wants you to meet her friends and especially her family when you go to meet her in person. If you spend time in teleconferences, see if she invites family in to meet you online. A serious woman is more likely to do that. If she has children, it is similarly a good sign when she invites you to speak with them in teleconference. If she is uncertain of your motives, however, she may hold back on introductions like this until she’s sure of your intentions for a commitment. She will be unwilling to present you to family and friends if it only ends in embarrassment for her. So the more you tell her in depth about your family, your life, your values and what you seek in a marriage partner, the more she will have to go with in learning to trust you. Hold back on these topics and probably she will have concerns and warm to you more slowly.

It also helps to try to sort out what the woman is discussing in your conversations. In her communications with you, is she talking about topics like family, children, married life, cozy homes, good food, a life together, taking care of each other, etc? Or is she focusing on ideas like excitement, fun, travel, parties, nights on the town, living the good life together, or material things she wants? Does she titillate you with provocative photos and sexy words? Provocative or “party girl” talk should raise some warning flags since most “good girls” there are not prudes by any stretch, but they are generally not forward until they are committed to a man and vice versa. If you feel you are being baited, you may well be.

By the way, most decent women from Ukraine do not welcome a man’s early discussion of sex, or questions about their own sexual interests. That only comes later when there is a solid relationship going. Sharing your “intimate fantasy” with her will be a turn off, not a turn on. If she brings up the topic first and you have yet to meet in person, your warning radar should be turning.

These are just some random observations based on your questions and I hope they give you food for thought and something to work with. If you have other questions, feel free to contact me again. I may not have all the answers all the time but am fairly familiar with the questions that guys need to asking themselves when attempting to find an international partner.

Best wishes,

Edward

Please dont forget International Ladies Day on March 8th and our half priced video chats for the entire day (Ukraine time)

Nadezhda K

Nadezhda is a romantic who enjoys writing poetry and painting. She loves travelling and experiencing different cultures. In her free time, she volunteers at local shelters, practices yoga, and loves quiet moments with a good book and a cup of herbal tea.