You know what they say, a married life is not a bed of roses. Well, it is actually true. There are just so many married couples who end up being miserable or separating. And there are many issues and crisis that have led them to this path.
This is basically the reason why it is very important that couples who are about to get married contemplate before they finally make one of the biggest decisions in their life. It is important to know that love is not and will not be enough for a lasting marriage. There are other important things and considerations that you must know if you want your married life to be happy and to make it work. While you can’t expect your relationship to be perfect, asking these questions will help you determine as early as now whether your marriage will work or not.
Here are some of the most important questions should be asking and discussing before walking down that aisle.
1. Do you want kids? And how many kids would you like to have?
This is an important topic you need to discuss with your future spouse. That’s because many couples do not talk about and decide. It may seem like a very basic thing but if you have conflicting opinions, then it could lead to a bigger issue.
2. How will you handle conflict and stress?
Each and every person has his own way of dealing with conflicts and stress. Even if you are a couple, it does not necessarily mean that you have the same perspective when it comes to resolving conflicts. Some people prefer some quiet time first before talking, so that their emotions could subside until they are ready to talk again. Some others prefer to discuss the issue right then and there. These are one of the things you need to know about each other so that you can meet halfway and respect each other’s prerogative. It’s also because you can expect a lot of arguments during your married life, even when it comes to the small, mundane and random things.
3. Who will handle the finances?
Money is the last thing you would ever want to fight about when you are married. That’s why before you even tie the knot, you need to discuss about your future finances to avoid unnecessary arguments.
4. How are you when it comes to your families?
No matter what, your families will always be in the background of your marriage. That’s why you need to make sure that you cultivate harmonious relationships with them before you even get married. You need to establish terms by which you and your partner are both comfortable with. For example, when your parents get old and when they need care, you must decide who will be taking good care of them. It is just one among the many things that will involve your in-laws.
5. What kind of parenting style will you practice?
If both of you agreed to have children, you need to agree on the parenting style and the kind of discipline you will implement to your children. You can’t disagree in front of your children when it comes to how you discipline them or they might misunderstand it. It might create a big conflict if children see that even their parents disagree or argue with the way they are raised and disciplined.
6. Which religion are you going to raise your kids in?
This is one important question you must resolve if you and your partner have different faith and religion.
7. How will you have free time or alone time?
Even when you get married, you need to have separate alone time as a couple. It does not mean that you should be with each other wherever your partner goes. There may be occasions where you need to be present as a couple, but there are also times when you need to be with your friends separately. This is what you call a healthy space. Even if you are living under the same roof and have a family of your own, this space will keep your relationship healthy.
Olga loves travelling and learning about different cultures. She enjoys taking photos, trying new foods, and spending time outdoors. A skilled writer, Olga is a language enthusiast as well. She enjoys meeting new people from around the world and trying out new recipes in her kitchen.
First of all I would like to congratulate Michael on writing this article. Very good to provide an overview of 7 questions. But as I have said and preach quite some times towards different people: “There are no rules either guidelines in a perfect married life”. It all comes down to understanding and respect for each other.
My first addition to the first question:
1. DO YOU WANT KIDS? AND HOW MANY KIDS WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE?
I am sorry to inform you that this question should be asked but the main question is whether you will be blessed to have them. And it should not matter how many kids, because we are not the ones to decide how many kids you can have. There is a higher being, destiny or how you would like to call it that will decide whether you are blessed enough and when you will have or get the opportunity in bringing kids to this world.
2. HOW WILL YOU HANDLE CONFLICT AND STRESS?
It is my opinion that conflict should not be in a good marriage where there is mutual understanding and respect. The sharing of opinions and point of views should not create conflict because it is just a matter of respecting someone else’s view. Concerning stress, this should be a situation where both partners are able to provide you the comforting feeling that they understand you and are there for you if you need them. Bottomline, it is all so simple if we look at it on a simple way. We always try to complicate things.
3. WHO WILL HANDLE THE FINANCES?
This is the root of all evil. I would say that this should go on an open basis where both parties are aware of what is there, what needs to be paid, why the money should be spent in a certain way and different other things. We should not let money get in between a married couple. If this is the case then it was not a good intention in the first place. And the lady can already show her concern on expenditure during the dating process. Where she speaks her mind when something is expensive. If she does not do this then she is committing a major problem because the man will not see that his spending behavior is excessive.
5. WHAT KIND OF PARENTING STYLE WILL YOU PRACTICE?
This question is basically the chicken and egg dilemma. There is no book that teaches us what is the best parenting. There are many books out there but all based on personal experience. Parenting is something that comes from the inside based on our own experiences and education by our parents. And this circle goes back in the generations of our ancestors. My opinion: watch out for pitfalls because one error in this period of a kids life can have major consequences for them later on.
6. WHICH RELIGION ARE YOU GOING TO RAISE YOUR KIDS IN?
Another hot topic of which I basically need to say. Do not force your kid to think or be like something you were programmed to think or be. Religion is what we have named it all by giving it a name. This is the human mistake. We can believe in something higher than ourselves but we do not need to name it. And therefore raising your kids with the believe that there is something is better that naming it and actually labeling your kids to a certain religion or movement. This is the problem of the world at this moment and that has been created by man.
7. HOW WILL YOU HAVE FREE TIME OR ALONE TIME?
Free time alone is one of the most essential and crucial things. Everyone needs their own space and liberty to do something alone. This is coming down to what I have previously mentioned respect for oneself and respect for the other (your half). It should not be a question of how you will have free time but when you will have free time. This is something you need to discuss in a constructive manner indicating the time your need, how much time you will need and what are the signs that you need or will take time off.
Conclusion: A happy married life is a constant learning process. We will never ever learn as much of our partners as we would like. Marriage is not a guarantee that it will all go well and you need to have a strong foundation if you would like to travel through all the heavy storms you will encounter. I am telling you this out of my experience where I have been tested in quite some areas.
Therefore, I wish every one well and I can only say: Choose Wisely.
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