March 7, 2017 at 5.37pm by in Online Dating

Aging is a natural process for all. For the most couples the age gap is not an issue as usually it is not significant. As you can guess from a title in this post I will discuss a case of a large age difference (20 years or more) between a man and the Ukrainian ladies he searches for. A Ukrainian psychologist and gestalt therapist Julia Dodonova claims that a Ukrainian woman may want to start a relationship with a man not of her, shall we say, age category only for two reasons and here they are.

1.Financial benefit

She receives the fulfillment of some of her priority desires in a relationship. These desires as a rule require much investment. Usually such sort of relationships are accepted by the girls from poor families, willing to have a certain level of luxury in their life or just willing to improve their life conditions. The only issue is that on the physical level they will always be attracted to the young, fresh, bold partners, which are still far from the moment of becoming the grumbling old men.

2. Incomplete situation with her father

This is a second reason why a Ukraine woman may be involved in such a relationship. It is typical that most of the problems with her father a lady tries to solve anew with a man.

Honey, tell me about your father!

If her experience as a daughter was too painful, the woman begins to pay attention to those men who apparently remind her of her dad. In such way the Ukraine lady takes a chance to remodel a relationship with her father again and to get all that she misses. This lady always expects a lot of care and attention from her man and wishes him to fulfill all her desires. At the same time such questions as “Have you had your meals?” or “Are you wearing warm clothes?” will be pleasant for her.

Look of a healthy relationship

A Ukraine lady who had a healthy relationship with her father will be simply annoyed with such questions. She will feel as if she is treated as a child. She will argue that she is an adult who does not need to be controlled in such matters.

On the contrary, Ukraine woman who has problems with her father often falls into a psychological age of a child. Therefore, a man who will treat her like an independent adult person would seem rude and insensitive to her.

Overview of a modern state

These days there are lots of one-parent families in Ukraine. This is mostly due to an unstable political situation in the country after the collapse of the Soviet Union. This event caused many psychological problems for men who didn’t know how to adapt to the new circumstances in the newly created country. That is why there were many children who grew up without their fathers’ care and support. Therefore, I suggest you to get to know the history of the family of a Ukrainian lady not only to make her feel special, but also to get to know her psychological reason to get married.

Look from the other side

Every man despite his biological age seems young and full of energy to himself. It is natural that he wants to balance his inner self-concept by having a beautiful young Ukraine lady with him. So, why are some men so drawn to much younger Ukrainian women? There are several possible reasons which I can name.

1. Moneybag-man

Banal desire to be next to a blossoming and young is a great mover. That is something that many wealthy men older than 40 may allow to themselves. Such men will be always attractive for the ladies of the first type mentioned. These ladies want to improve their financial situation. Moreover, they have what men need – appearance, health and youth. In this case, both get what they need.

2. Puffy man

The second type of mature men who prefer to have a relationship with younger ladies I would call a puffy man. This is someone who has a certain success in a certain business. Let’s take for example an owner of a club (sports club, night-club – does not matter) and he is about 45 y.o. In the public eye he definitely has a status. And it does not really matter how much money he has (in fact he can be heavily in debts). Ladies consider his position of a “master”, “owner”, “director” and think of an opportunity of being with him as success. They soon understand that situation does not correspond to his status and there is no financial gain for the ladies of the first type. But a new naive gold-digger is always ready to replace the ex-girlfriend of a puffy-man.

3. Fatherly man

This is a type of mature men who have not fulfilled their role as fathers to their daughters. The reasons for this may be different, but the result is the same: they need to give their love and care to a younger lady. To compensate this need they seek for Ukrainian ladies of their daughters’ age. The ladies of the second type are usually attracted to fatherly men. And in fact, these relationships are built on the “dad-daughter” model, rather than the “male-female” one.

Analyze first

It also happens that everything is mixed up in a relationship. But, in personal opinion of Julia Dodonova, a situation in which the man is much older than his Ukraine lady is always created on the basis of certain external or internal psychological problems. I’m inclined to think that the most often variant is the last one I mentioned.

So, before being involved in a relationship with a large age difference Julia suggests you to ask yourself these questions:

  • What do I want to get from this Ukraine lady?
  • Whom she reminds me of?
  • What can she give me but others cannot?
  • What do I expect from this relationship?

And after you get sincere answers, you may realize that… you haven’t called your daughter for a while. That the last time you spent a weekend together was a long ago. Be not afraid to face the fact that you need each other even if she is an adult. It is normal to miss your child as well as to feel a lack of paternal love even having your own children already.

All we need is love!

I think you will agree with me, that you’d better begin to bravely resolve the lack of communication with your daughter first. Do not hide the love to your daughter giving everything to your Ukraine woman. And then, after you make a trip to Ukraine to meet your lady in person, she may become a person who will help you and your daughter get closer. She may even become a second mother or at least a good friend for your daughter!

I do not insist that everything I wrote here is right, and I apologize if unintentionally I might have offended anybody’s feelings. But you decide whether to accept my point of view or not! And remember: whatever people say, if you truly love each other, no age difference will spoil your happiness. If you both feel good being a couple – it does not really matter what kind of psychological issue brought you together! 😉

I would be grateful for your ideas and thoughts in comments to the post!

  • Elena Sosnovskaya

    It was interesting to read, but I am not sure if it is correctly to give categories to people, who are living in other borders and imaginations of life. As we are educated and loyal people- we should accept any type of relationship and not give categories to people and divide them into groups. Women attracted to older men- because they want to feel safely and confident in their next day and future life. It is not only money, if a man is not silly and naive- he will feel very quickly if it is scam or not. I have personally several successful couples with big age gap- these couples always are interesting to investigate. Usually they are full of intelligence, respect and love. What I really want to admit – that a man should be very clear-minded, because there are risks, that he can be used as financial tool, if a Lady is too young. Though – if you build relations, no matter what the age gap is – you always should be clear in what you want and what you get)

  • Dr. Wong

    This is a very straight forward and truthful article. You might be asking why do I say this. Well, I am not afraid to admit that I have been in a relationship where there has been a great age difference and I must say that all the aspects mentioned here are true. I was fortunate to identify the issue before I was made a victim. I confronted the person in question and explained to them from the beginning that this relationship was not right. On the contrary, this person wanted to try. I responded that I will only be there to make them grow emotionally and spiritually. During the process, I noticed that her intellect was one of a small child. Not wanting to be alone, a lot of care and naive behavior. On analyzing the situation, I got to find out that relationship not only with her father but also her entire family had not been one of better roses. This gave me the insight into her behavior and I helped her grow. Yes, It might have cost me time and energy but as a human being, I had to help her get out of her thinking and attitude circle and see a different side. Although I knew the relationship was not going anywhere, I did not attach myself emotionally to here. Which make the moment she wanted to break up easy for me but not easy for her. As might not know, but sometimes people come into our lives to teach us a lesson and or to really stay with us for ever.

    In conclusion and I am not here to offend no one but if you really want or are looking to date someone much younger than yourself ask these few questions:
    1. Are your parents with you and how is the relationship
    2. How was your childhood
    3. Do you have siblings

    For me, these are the 3 foundational questions to ask in which some family foundation can be found. It might be tricky but I believe it shows a lot of the history and attitude.

    Nevertheless, follow your heart and be happy but do not get hurt.


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