Marriage to a Ukrainian wife: Let it be enough

January 11, 2020 at 8.34am by in Slavic Women
Ukrainian mail-order brides

In modern-day society, most people are looking to do more, get more, achieve more…. There is nothing wrong with becoming a high-achiever. But if this exhausting process makes you feel jaded and confused, you may need to re-evaluate how you operate in your love life with your Ukrainian wife and your business or career.

The truth about busyness:

In contemporary society, many people wear busyness as a badge of honor. They think they can look high-value if they are constantly busy. That’s why exhaustion and burnout are so common these days. Sadly, social media platforms have made the situation even worse because people always think they should do more in order to look better than their friends on Facebook or Instagram.

As I see it, rather than comparing ourselves to those who are showing the highlight of their lives on the Internet and finding ourselves lacking, reading all of the research findings and deciding we must do more for our marriages, our kids, our jobs and our communities, or following every piece of self-help advice and jamming our lives so full of improvements that we don’t even have enough space to enjoy the so-called improved-upon life, now isthe right time for us to let it be enough.

“The mainstream culture’s obsession with thinking we should do more and be more shows up most acutely in our marriages and our work lives,” says Darren J., a British guy who is married to a Ukrainian wife, “I went to Ukraine last year to see my wife – at that time I just met her on an international dating site, so I decided to meet her in person. When I was in Ukraine, I realized that people in Ukraine don’t value busyness that much. It was an eye-opening experience there.”

Indeed, most people in western countries have been conditioned to believe that the way to be valuable is to always go the extra mile, to always put in more hours at work, to always put in more effort in their marriages, to always do more and more and more. However, I guess by now you can understand why more isn’t necessarily better and how deliberately using breaks and pulling back can really lead to the same, if not better results, let alone preserving your health and wellbeing.

After getting married, the pressure to show up more and more as a spouse and to drown our kids in attention, affection, love and activities can bring the strongest parent to their knees with feelings of inadequacy and burnout & wondering whether he/she is doing enough or not. This is especially true in modern western culture.

But Darren’s Ukrainian wife has revealed a different perspective. “Doing less is the path to better results and wellbeing in my marriage,” says Darren’s wife from Ukraine, “When I start to manage my energy more efficiently, I’m validated with better health and wellbeing. My husband and I run a successful business. We are also validated with more clients, better testimonials, getting more things done and making more money.”

That means doing less can be very powerful. It can be a lifestyle which simply requires a vigilance to dismantle the programming that runs the majority of western work culture, i.e. more is always better.

The truth about parenting

Darren and his Ukraine mail-order bride has a beautiful daughter. When it comes to parenting, this lovely couple also have their own philosophy.

“Parenting isn’t like a business where there are positive results such as increased profit or customer retention to prove to us that what we are doing is right,” says Darren, the British guy who is married to an elegant Ukrainian lady, “Essentially, there isn’t any relationship between a kid’s wellbeing, academic performance or behavior and the amount of time his/her parents spent with him/her, between the age of 4 to 12 – I read a journal article about this research finding.”

Of course, that study didn’t discount the importance of one-on-one time and family dinners at night. Moreover, interestingly, in adolescence the situation changes – more time spent with a mom decreases delinquent behavior. Therefore, Darren’s Ukrainian wife has decided that she will spend more time with their daughter when she becomes a teenager.

More importantly, research shows that the degree to which dads enjoy parenting has a great impact on decreasing behavioral problems at school than the amount of time dads spend with their children. Yes, quality is more important than quantity. But how do we define quality?

Well, according to researchers, quality time doesn’t need to be expensive or super special or some magical activity. As a matter of fact, quality time can be going to the park after dinner and actually listening to your child talking about their day. It can be 10 minutes when your kids come home from school where you put your laptop and cell phone away & sit down with your kids for supper & you are 100% present with them. It can be stopping what you are doing and making full eye contact when your child asks you a question.

Your full presence is the best gift you can give anybody, especially your children. In actuality, it’s not the amount of time that anybody will remember; it’s the way they felt when they were with you as you were really there with them. Your gift to your kids is not just your time; it’s yourself. To be fully with them when you are with them – That’s all they really want from you.

It’s more than enough.

The power of our full presence is key. Really being where we are is key. “The rest of it is just accessorizing, just keeping ourselves occupied and entertained when we are here for this spin on earth,” says Darren’s Ukrainian wife, “it’s time to let the amount of time we spent really truly being with kids be enough. Kids are not tracking the minutes; they just want their parents to be all the way there when they are there.”

Let the amount of love you have to give be enough. The obsession with more, with needing to do more and be more, distracts people from doing the things they are already doing. Obsessing about doing more has the opposite effect people think it will, i.e. it takes away from people’s actions and presence rather than adding to them.

Some people are so convinced that their marriages are not good enough, though their marriages are actually pretty good. Their aura of lack only causes anxiety and stress. The obsession with not being good enough manifests in them not being good enough in the end. “When you stop trying to prove your value through doing more and more and more, you will find the freedom to be all of you, I promise,” says Darren’s Ukrainian lady, “The world doesn’t need your busyness. The world needs you to be fully present. You are good enough.”

“Ukrainian ladies enjoy the miraculous experience of being more of who they are because their culture doesn’t value busyness.”

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