Modern dating advice: How to turn a messy breakup into an empowering vision

July 20, 2020 at 7.48am by in International Dating
Ukrainian woman

Almost everybody has had at least 1 messy breakup in life. You aren’t alone. I know the loneliness, frustration and absence of confidence after a messy breakup. However, I would like to tell you that you have the power to change the dynamics in your life!

A breakup doesn’t mean the relationship has definitely failed.

You are not with her now. However, it doesn’t necessarily mean that romantic relationship was not good or valuable. I think that relationship added tremendous value to your life if you think about it carefully, right? Perhaps she taught you many things and given you memorable experiences. These are all very meaningful and beneficial aspects of that relationship.

So, I would encourage you to write down a list of positives: how did that romantic relationship benefit your life? Here is my friend Jack’s list of positivity –

  1. My ex suggested that I would be well-advised to get a Master’s Degree. Therefore, now I have an MBA. Nobody can take my education away from me.
  2. My ex and I travelled the world. We have had some unforgettable experiences!
  3. My ex introduced her powerful network to me. I found a decent job with the help of her contact.

Even though the breakup was messy, Jack has realized that the relationship was not a failure.

I personally think that every relationship that I had was very successful, for every relationship taught me valuable lessons which made me who I am today. Thus, your previous romantic relationships have already become the soil that nurtures this beautiful tree (your life) right now. The learning from your previous relationships literally makes your future romantic relationship more resilient, meaning you will have a better understanding of love and life in the future.

How to grow out of the pain and become a better version of yourself in record time:

Yes, the relationship is over, but you can still learn something from this experience. Here are Jack’s lessons that he has learned from his experience:

A. I have learned that I must set boundaries in dating and relationships. I should not let my romantic partner be involved in my family’s drama.

B. I should maintain high standards and always stick to my standards. I must clarify my non-negotiables early. A woman has to respect me – there is a huge difference between liking a guy and respecting a guy.

C. I do not want a controlling or manipulative person. Though my ex helped me with my career and education, she did those things because of her own agenda. In the future, when I begin to look for a new partner, I will definitely make sure this person does not have a questionable agenda!

Jack is currently building his core confidence in order to meet a Ukrainian lady. Here are his strategies:

  1. Start from the obvious. Jack has upgraded his closet and is working on his grooming, for external confidence also influences his emotions and feelings, thereby directly influencing his internal confidence.
  2. He is also building a wonderful way of life that he is very proud of. He pursues career success as well as interesting hobbies in life. Now he is ready to meet a Ukrainian woman who is keen to be a part of his amazing life!

How to put yourself out there and look for love again:

You ended a romantic relationship and you wonder if you should begin dating once again. No matter how you feel, you should consider dating again & here’s why –

Firstly, you are supposed to feel the pain, but you should start dating anyway, for pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. Leaving a romantic relationship is not easy, so the pain is unavoidable. Actually, feeling the pain is much better than being numb. Let’s think of an injured athlete – if a professional athlete is injured, does he/she stop training completely? Definitely no! In fact, once his/her injury has recovered to some extent, this athlete would start to train slowly and gradually. So, you would be well-advised to acknowledge the unavoidable pain, and then start dating once again. 😊

Secondly, there is a difference between making an effort and making an intelligent effort. Rather than going to random parties (making an effort), you selectively do activities that you really enjoy, for your interests are your real values. It’s of vital importance to find a Ukrainian woman who shares the same value system with you (making an intelligent effort). This will surely make your romantic relationship healthy in the long term.

When you are ready to join the dating scene again….

Okay. At last, you have the courage to go out and start dating again! You are going out for the very first date after the messy breakup, so you are a bit nervous now. That’s very, very normal. I would like to help you see these fears clearly so that you can get over these fears as soon as possible.

If you are worried that you do not look perfect, please understand that you can never look perfect because you can only try your best to look great. I have a friend who literally spends 3 hours preparing for a first date – selecting the right clothes, getting his hair done, and so forth. Actually, women do not even know whether you have used a cologne or an aftershave! So, so long as you are happy with what you can see in the mirror, it’s fine! You just need to look decent and clean as ladies do not care about your appearance that much. Women are not as visual as men.

But if you are thinking of what to say on the first date, you should realize that you do not have to do the rehearsal in your head repeatedly, okay? You must sound natural on the date. Ironically, the more relaxed you become, the more attractive you look. You simply need to prepare something engaging to discuss on the date. You don’t need to prepare an entire script. Also, remember to have some fun. Being playful and spontaneous will make you more likeable.

All right. You’ve decided that you like this woman, and now you wonder if she also likes you! Please clarify what’s in your control and what’s outside your control. Trying your best and making an effort to look presentable and sound engaging is something that you can control. But whether she likes you is outside of your control. You have to do what you can and then make peace with the rest! Incidentally, please make sure that your first date with a Ukrainian lady is not too long, for a short first date (approximately 40-50 minutes) fuels the desire and the anticipation, so you will want to schedule a second date. How exciting is that?!

“The most practical and honest dating advice – feel the fear, but do it anyway!”

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