Online dating: Please do not play hard to get

March 14, 2021 at 4.17pm by in Online Dating
online dating
  • The myth: Women want a man who is hard to get.

This is actually a fallacy. And here is why –

I can guarantee that this fallacy only leads to stressful relationships and unhappiness. Let’s have a look at some common “hard-to-get scenarios”:

  1. If an Eastern European woman doesn’t respond to your message within 72 hours, you shouldn’t send her another message.
  2. Don’t respond to her message within 12 hours.
  3. When she wants to make plans with you, become elusive.
  4. Pretend to be busy when you are not busy at all.

If any of the above scenarios has happened in your love life, you are doing it wrong. I understand why this fallacy looks great: “I should make myself the prize. That will make her try to win me. She will put a lot of value on a man that she has to work hard for.” However, this fallacy leads men to manipulate relationships, shut themselves out from letting Eastern European ladies discover who they are and hide their feelings/emotions. This fallacy only creates a fake “tough nut to crack” persona.

In western countries, men and women often play games with each other. That’s exactly why dating in the West is hard – you tell women that your schedule is full when you are not even busy; you make sure she sends you the last text message at night; you cancel plans with her in order to look elusive/high-value.

Now you may wonder, “The harder I am to get, the more she wants what she can’t have. Isn’t that correct?”

At the beginning, that can happen. Nonetheless, there is a further step and you will soon find out that once you finally give her what she wants, it will not look so good anymore. Therefore, this is actually a cat-string theory, i.e. if you dangle a string above a cat, the cat will keep clawing at the string (trying to get the object). When you finally give up the elusive string, the cat does not want the object any longer. Sad but true!

Now you’ve understood the nature of hard-to-get: this fallacy only attracts an Eastern European lady to the process rather than to you! It attracts her to the idea of having you, yet when she finally gets you, she will begin to question if she was that bothered in the first place. Hopefully now it’s crystal clear.

Some western men even think, “That means I simply need to keep playing mind games with her in order to keep her wanting me for the rest of my life.” Therefore, they play mind games, never really give themselves to a relationship for fear of “losing his power”, and even withdraws into themselves for no reason.

Obviously, this is not the best way to find happiness in any relationship. As a matter of fact, only two types of women will stay married to men who play hard to get:

  1. A woman who plays the same game.
  2. A woman with lots of insecurities.
  • Forget the “hard-to-get” game; actually be a high-value guy.

Hard-to-get only makes having you the prize. Once a woman gets the prize, she has won the game you are playing with her. It is not a meaningful relationship in the long term. Note that Eastern European women are looking for meaningful, long-term and sustainable relationships.

Hence, there must be a better way to become an attractive man – What ladies from Eastern Europe really want is a gentleman who is actually high-value.

You read that right. It’s very simple. Eastern European women want to meet high-value men instead of men who are hard to get.

If you’ve only dated western women in the past, this concept might look foreign to you because playing mind games is the theme in the dating scene in western countries. Thus, it might take daily commitment to working at ingraining this into your character in the long run.

A high-value man devotes his efforts to becoming actually exciting and having a wonderful lifestyle. In the long term, this is exactly what makes an Eastern European woman believe a guy is genuinely special and worth marrying. In this way, she will understand that the prize is not about getting you only; the prize is about building a real relationship with a great guy.

Unlike hard-to-get, high value gives you the permission to be genuine and sincere. In contrast, hard-to-get only relies on telling men to hide who they really are or express a cold persona to hide their true intentions. Clearly, playing hard-to-get comes from a place of insecurity rather than a position of strength.

“A high-value guy leads his own life.”

Tagged with dating advice
  • John Robert Hultman

    I think you should require women on your site to put in their profile if they have “body art.” Perhaps the men should also be required. This may be part of the Ukrainian culture with some women, but these women are looking for a foreign man and he has a right to know about it. I have to carefully study the woman’s video and photos and sure enough, I have twice found that the woman tried to hide the body art. I found it only by looking carefully. I don’t want a woman who has body art. Sorry if this seem superficial, but we all have our likes and dislikes. Thank you for considering this suggestion

    • Vin Outhavong

      Why don’t you just ask the lady about body arts? I did and the lady told me which I don’t mind body art. First I was skeptical about this site but I’m until then we will see cause I’m new to online interaction especially from another side of the world. I’m learning a lot about this Ukrainian women. They genuinely want to settle down and get married. I’ve only been active for a week now and learned a lot just from having a natural conversation with them via chat, video chat, or letter. I do wish the pricing to do all this would give credit on what we pay for. 5 minute speeding dating should be 10 minute too.

  • Andrew

    Dear online dating specialist.
    Thank you very much for the informative tips.

    I am here for several weeks and I really appreciate your professional and personal agency.
    First of all,
    I really appreciate how easy it is to send roses to a lady. I only have to select and click send. No need to arrange a suitable delivery date and place. Thank you for the great service.
    the ease-of of use of video and text chats, to have online, direct translation from English to Russian is very convenient and helps me to improve reading Russian.
    your reminder services for:
    A) when a birthday of a lady is upcoming and
    B)for an upcoming video chat. One hour before the chat begins I get a friendly reminder that a chat is soon to start.

    Now I like to respond to your text concerning the online behaviour of a high value man.

    When I registered at the site, the first thought that went and still goes through my mind is :
    these ladies are absolutely gorgeous.
    Perfect make up (those eye lashes, lips, mesmerising eyes),
    fabulous hairstyle (which highlight the angelic facial features) ,
    enchanting smile (that makes my head spin),
    feminine dresses and elegant high heels(that make my head turn).
    I am just a normal man and my logical brain is dizzy from the overwhelming feminine beauty, it is a disorienting feeling and at the same a very pleasant feeling.

    Now returning to the topic of being a high value man.
    I do not play the game of not being little available or being mysterious, when I say I am busy, then I am busy, nothing more nothing less.

    My core life rule is : “In mathematics we trust“.
    When I did my doctorate research in computer science my professor in Mathematics told me, Andrew, „In mathematics we trust“.
    Every time I listened to my feelings instead of my logical brain, the result was not good.

    Just one example.
    1)I studied and worked in the Netherlands. In the Netherlands the tallest people of the world live.
    You can Google and find several studies confirming this observation.
    2) Woman prefer taller men. You can easily Google this also and verify the accuracy of that statement.

    Dear online dating specialist, I kindly ask you, Guess how many women find other qualities than height important ?
    Your guess is, 1 out of 10, 1 out of 100 ?

    Nope, in a 1980 study (Gillis & Avis) of 720 couples, only one couple had a taller woman and shorter man.
    Therefore the mathematical probability theory tells me that I have to communicate with at least 720 women before a match occurs.

    Am I totally depressed, sad, disappointed?
    No, in Mathematics we trust.
    The reason for my optimism is that according to another study, a study by Braun & Bryan in 2006, women value intelligence, personality and financial stability and prosperity over physical appearance when looking for a serious relationship.

    1)to build a serious relationship, I need to find a woman who values intelligence, personality and financial stability and prosperity.
    2)I am not trying to be a high value man.
    I can only offer a lady intelligence, a positive personality , and financial stability and prosperity.

    When a woman lives in my heart, I accept everything about her, her family, her children, tattoos, snoring, shopping, mumbling etc.
    Accepting a wife in my life means for me accepting everything of her, there is no comprise, no condemnation, no judgmental and pedantic attitude, I will love you and value just as you are, as a princess.

    Dear lady I am looking forward to know you better, maybe we are a match ?
    When we are a match, I take you over my shoulder and carry you into a plane, to Munich Germany to show your future house and next we fly to Maldives to marry at the beach.
    When you object I answer :
    мои извинения украинская принцесса я не понимаю русский
    I am an impatient man.
    Time is the most precious asset that exists. Even the richest man in the world, Mr.Bezos, cannot buy more time.
    There is no time to play games.


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