Online dating: Why you shouldn’t compete with other men

online dating

Whenever I listen to two men’s conversation, I can always hear that they are competing with each other all the time. No wonder a male friend of mine told me that he doesn’t really enjoy talking to men because talking to men means competing with someone constantly. In contrast, talking to women is much more enjoyable because women aren’t competing with him – he can actually relax and enjoy the conversation. As I see it, when it comes to online dating, many men are competing with each other, but that’s actually a mistake.

  • Winners don’t compete.

Winners are competitive, but they don’t compete. Let me explain.

Gary Vaynerchuk famously said, “Everyone else wants to build the tallest building by destroying other buildings; I build the tallest building by building the tallest building.”

Peter Thiel also once said, “Competition is actually for losers.”

No matter you are running a business or looking for love on an online dating website, you shouldn’t worry about what everybody else is doing. If you focus on what other people are doing, then you are chasing the wrong goal because you will conform in your subconscious mind.

Copying other people is only human nature. That is also known as the mimetic theory: all our desires are from what other people want. Therefore, if you see entrepreneurship is sexy or buying a mansion is impressive, chances are you will want that as well.

Sadly, competition only makes you feel miserable and you may overestimate the importance or value of things you focus on.

If you think superficial things will make your love life easier, then that’s exactly what you will attract. Unfortunately, there is a reason why many relationships feel miserable and insecure – there is always someone else who has more superficial stuff.

I’m not saying all superficial things are meaningless. I’m just saying when you are competing with everybody else, you are in a losing mindset. This is a game that you can’t win because it puts you in a permanent state of deep insecurity. It also makes you think that your attractiveness is limited to several things that you have, so without these things, you are not a good catch anymore. This can make you fragile and insecure. If these things are taken away from you, you may feel worthless suddenly.

  • What is your unique monopoly?

The best way to escape competition and have core confidence is to own your unique monopoly. By that I mean you don’t really have to win at everything in order to have a happy relationship; you simply need to build your own unique monopoly in a manner which makes you fundamentally irreplaceable for the right Eastern European woman.

First of all, you have to work towards who you really want to be and become that person now. Meanwhile, you also need to accept who you are already. Think of what type of Slavic woman you’d like to meet and attract as well as what traits she would feel attracted to, and then move towards that goal.

You can totally forget about the rest. Period.

Let’s say you are keen to meet an intelligent Russian woman who likes art and is interested in literature who also play a sport, you should totally ask yourself, “Do I embody these traits? Does my online dating profile show these qualities? Am I moving towards this direction?”

If you are looking to meet a Ukrainian woman who is traditional and loving, you need to ask yourself, “Is my life a beacon for a lady with these qualities?”

When you combine these special qualities together, they become something very unique. That’s your unique monopoly. You don’t need to compete with anyone anymore.

  • How to be a great partner:

Firstly, how you make a woman feel is paramount because she must be in the right mood when she is with you. That is the prerequisite of a healthy relationship.

Secondly, you must live a life that is in congruence with your core values. In other words, you are supposed to show some discipline, self-actualization, determination and courage to live up to your core principles in life.

Thirdly, there has to be some kind of chemistry between you and the Slavic lady.

Lastly, you should be a fantastic teammate. You and your lady are a team. You have to know how to actively listen to her. Trust each other. Be on her side. Think about her needs. Include her in your blueprint.

When these traits are combined, you have your own unique monopoly.

Stephen Hussey said, “If you fundamentally know that a woman choosing you is the best decision she will ever make, you are no longer in any competition.”

“In your unique monopoly, you have a game that only you will win.”

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