The quality of standards in dating and relationships

Previously, we talked about why you must have standards in dating and relationships. Today I’d like to explain why you need high-quality standards while looking for a relationship.

• Eddie’s true story:

As a 21-year-old young man, Eddie moved to New York City from a country town in South America in 2005. After working extremely hard for ten years, Eddie has become a relatively established 31-year-old man. Then he met a 34-year-old woman called Annie in New York City and started a romantic relationship for the first time in his life.

Eddie told his parents that he wanted to marry Annie because Annie has a big house, a nice car and a decent job. His parents advised him not to marry Annie because their intuition told them that something is wrong.

Annie gave birth to their son in 2015 and they never had a proper wedding (although they have a marriage certificate), partly because their relationship wasn’t healthy, and partly because Eddie’s parents were never happy with their son’s relationship with Annie.

In 2016, Eddie spoke to his parents on the phone and asked them to come to New York City in order to look after the baby. Eddie’s parents went to New York and was shocked because their son and grandson were forced to move to a small apartment that they were sharing with someone else – Annie had countless arguments and fights with Eddie – she told Eddie and the baby to leave her house: One night in 2016, Annie wanted to go out in the middle of the night in order to see another man; consequently, that was a major fight (in the end she injured Eddie’s arm, so Eddie couldn’t stop her and he had to go to the emergency room of a hospital by himself.)

“How come you’ve had a child with that horrendous woman?” Eddie’s father asked him after seeing the scar on Eddie’s arm.

“I wanted to marry her because she has a big house, a fancy car and a good job,” Eddie explained what happened to his father, “After we started a relationship, she got pregnant within a few months. When she was pregnant with the baby, she wanted an abortion after we had an argument. I thought perhaps our relationship would become better after the baby is born, and we were already in our 30s at that time – it was time to become parents. Then she asked me to give her $60,000; otherwise, she would have an abortion. So, I gave her the money and the baby was born.”

Moral of Eddie’s story:

1. Eddie didn’t have a normal lifestyle as a young man because his life was all about work. A reasonable, all-round lifestyle of a young man should include various areas of life, including his love life. Therefore, Eddie didn’t know anything about dating and relationships. (Lesson: A young man must develop every key area of his life in order to become mature.)
2. Some people think Eddie and Annie’s relationship ended when she went out to see another man in the middle of the night, but in fact, their relationship ended before the baby was born. (Lesson: A divorce isn’t the ending of a relationship; the relationship actually ended a long time ago.)

Eddie had standards when he was looking for a relationship, but the quality of his standards is low – his standards were all about superficial things such as a big house, a nice car and a decent job. All of those have nothing to do with Annie’s qualities/personality. If all of those are taken away from Annie, would Eddie still want to marry her? (Lesson: There is a difference between having standards and having high-quality standards. Low-quality standards lead to low-quality relationships. High-quality standards are mostly about a person’s character, i.e., things that can’t be taken away from this person.)

• High-quality standards:

I’d like to show you some examples of high-quality standards in terms of looking for love:

1. She must be kind.
2. She should be resilient.
3. She is resourceful.
4. She is intelligent.
5. She comes from a good family.
6. She is well-educated.
7. She likes children.
8. She respects you.
9. She values connection.

What about your standards in international dating and relationships?

“I hope you have learned something helpful from Eddie’s story.”

Julia K

Julia loves travelling and learning about different cultures. She enjoys taking photos, trying new foods, and spending time outdoors. A skilled writer, Julia is a language enthusiast as well. She enjoys meeting new people from around the world and trying out new recipes in her kitchen.