Ukraine dating – Perception and Understanding

December 12, 2013 at 2.03am by in Online Dating

I received the following email this week and it is quite typical of some of the emails that I receive from men who join the site:

I have not replied to any of the ladies cause I am still deciding if this site is genuine or not. Your idea of genuine is offering a legitimate service with serious women seeking a foriegn partner. Without scams or other dishonest intent on the part of the women or yourselves.

My idea of genuine goes beyond this. I have not even posted a picture so far yet many women have expressed interest in me? I have put information in my profile about me and where I live, but not one woman has commented on it.

It seems like all the messages are simply different versions of the same general script. Designed to promise me the world and declare how wonderful these women are. I wish to have real women talking to me like a real person as tho they are real people with quirks, fears, pasts etc.

All the pictures appear to be professionally done. Yet, you claim to encourage the women to use natural pictures of themselves in there lives. I do not believe any of these pictures are of the women in a natural setting. I think the women are all done up glamorously and have a photographer taking the photos.

There are only “educated” women or women attending school for further education. Why can I not pick women from all walks of life. Why do you only allow women that fit a certain mold to be available on your site?

I am not feeling this site has a good selection of genuine women… perhaps they are genuine. However, they are not shown as real people. They are shown as poster girls….

I could go on. I think you get the idea though.

This raises an interesting point and highlights how we allow men to choose who they wish to correspond with in a fair way, rather than allowing the woman to use clever means to get noticed above all other ladies listed on the site. We have chosen to do this and unfortunately for many men, they see this as false and misleading.

Please let me explain…….

Serious women will monitor the site for new men register that fall within their ideal criteria – age, occupation, interests and the country they live in. Even without the man posting a photo, the lady will try to attract his attention to initiate communication. Therefore, if you post your profile without a photo, the ladies will still send you an introductory letter.

We discovered early on when we first set up the site that some women will use shock tactics to get noticed and hopefully men will find it enticing and write back. This included suggestive photos and sexually explicit letters. About 5% of men find this exciting and 95% say we are a scam and leave the site. This means that a small proportion of ladies are deterring a large proportion of men from using the site.

To counter this we have insisted that every lady must submit professional photos and an introductory letter about themselves that must be used when first contacting a man. We have effectively said to each lady that their photos and their introductory letter are a CV of themselves – the better it is, the more likely they are to attract a genuine man. This is similar to applying for new employment – the best CV gets the interviews.

Once a man initiates communication with a lady by sending her a message, a nudge or a reply to her introductory letter, she is free to write in her free hand and submit her own choice of photos.

Any genuine Ukraine lady will always have professional photos. One of the most positive aspects of Ukraine ladies is the very high emphasis they place on looking immaculate at all times. This is why they appear so beautiful to foreign men – it is normally something that the ladies from their own country do not do well. Ukraine ladies place tremendous pride in their appearance at all times.

Typically, ladies who have qualifications and career aspirations take the trouble to look for a foreign man – this is natural. They want to reach their life potential for standard of living, life quality and career potential. That is why they are prepared to relocate to a new country. Generally speaking, international dating attracts ladies with education and career aspirations – it is not that we pick and choose the ladies to list on our site. All ladies are most welcome to register.

We have set the site up so that any men who register can select from the galleries or the introductory letters that they receive rather than being swayed by shock tactics which may lead them to leave the site in disgust. Sometimes this is seen as manufactured selection but we want every lady to have an equal opportunity to find love and for the man to choose based on his criteria. Often men misread why we have chosen to do this and I receive emails like the one above. It is a shame that they cant see that we are really only trying to create an even and fair playing field for all.

If you would like to comment on these thoughts we welcome any feedback or comments at

  • Abe

    The problem with these dating agencies is there is no accountability for the ladies. All the time, money, effort is on the shoulders of the men.

    A man can be communicating with a lady, or many ladies, goes for a visit, but the lady has a change of heart. She does not want to leave Ukraine. What happens then?

    The man has lost money, his vacation time at work, time and effort to find someone.

    The ladies have lost nothing. They want to chat all the time. I am sure they are bored in the evening and they can chat for free. I wonder how many of these ladies would be on your website if they had to take some responsibility.

    In traditional dating, responsibility is on both the man the woman. Here, you have managed to give the ladies a free ride.

    • keith

      Hi Abe
      Thank you for your comment. Yes, we understand exactly what you are saying and it is something that we have discussed a number of times.
      Our conclusion was that charging ladies to use our site would not prevent the use of the site by ladies who are not genuine or who intend to scam. They will be the only ladies able to afford to use the site and will continue to scam and see the costs to use the site as a business expense.
      The genuine ladies can not afford to pay to use the site – which is one of the reasons they register on an international dating site – to marry, move overseas, enrich their life and reach their full life potential.
      We have taken the view that the best way is to continue to allow the free use of the site by ladies but to actively detect and punish ladies who are not genuine and refund any men who have communicated with them. This is what we have done and you can see many of these agencies and ladies listed on our site as scammers.
      Abe, I thank you for taking the time to write – all comments are very welcome.

  • Abe

    For what it is worth, holding the ladies to some accountability, some responsibility does not have be financial.

    The ladies can be talking to many men. It is difficult for the man to do that since you use the pay by letter, pay by minute approach.

    When a man comes to visit, the lady might be interested in another man and then he is out a lot of time and money. He obviously can visit many ladies, but that also costs more. I highly doubt any lady would meet a man unless they have corresponded first, but I could be wrong.

    There needs to be a model to promote relationships, not promote a business. When your site has some of the same ladies that are on DM and Anastasia, and you have the same pricing model, I think most men will not even join since both DM and Anastasia are both known to pay ladies to chat and try to bleed the men dry.

    I would imagine there are a lot more ladies than men, but I have no stats on your site. When it is free or cost effective, you will have more members, so that is why I think there are more ladies.

    Your pricing is cheap, do not get me wrong. But, the cost per letter/minute is definitely something that most men hate.

    Some demographic information should be removed. I do not think the ladies weight should be advertised. A man can tell if he is attracted to her by looking at the pictures. But, a man should not have to write a letter to see if the lady wants children. There weren’t many, but some ladies did not state they wanted children in the demographic section, but they mentioned they did in the text.

    Another alarming issue I found were these profiles:

    All of those profiles were featured on your Facebook page less than a month ago. Did they find their soul mate in less than a month?

    If the screening process was strong, then why did they terminate their search so quickly? I am sure men come and go, but the ladies who are truly searching would keep their profile active for a long time. I understand there can be ‘dry spells’ for ladies and men, but the ones that are truly searching would be active and wait until they find someone.

    Thanks for the dialog.

    • keith

      Hi Abe

      Thank you for your comments.There is a mixture of compliments and suggestions/questions in your post and I will try and deal with them all in my reply.

      Ladies Aniselle and Silveriya are no longer on our site. The ladies are free to leave for whatever reason. Please remember that the ladies are not necessarily exclusive to our site so may leave due to a number of reasons. If they leave while communicating with a man, we will refund the man for his communication as it has been a waste of time.

      The lady Secret_Desi is still on the site and you can see her profile.

      The addition of whether a lady would like more children was a recent addition to the ladies profile information. Many ladies have added this, but not all. We will not be going back retrospectively over thousands of profiles to add this. All new lady registrations will have this information.

      Yes, we probably have the cheapest prices of all the dating sites and we do not charge for registration, nor do we have any monthly subscription. You only use the site as you wish. We must charge for the service as we have to maintain a website, provide offices and staff and all the other costs necessary to offer the service. We dont pay ladies to be on the site.

      I cant comment on the actions of the 2 sites that you mention. We do not pay our ladies to be on the site nor for communicating with men.

      The ladies are happy to have their weight listed on the site and most men also appreciate it. I note that you dont think it is necessary but for now we will retain it as part of the profile.

      We offer a site where there is the opportunity for men and ladies to meet and perhaps marry. We cant guarantee that for anyone who joins – that is not possible and we dont have arranged marriages. All we can do is offer a genuine and affordable service and offer advice and assistance when asked. We do this to the best of our ability.

      Abe, thank you again for your comments. It is not easy to offer a genuine service when there are many who dont offer the same honesty that we do.


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