Most Hollywood movies, love songs, romantic novels and fairy tales apparently got it wrong because in reality, two don’t become one and then live happily ever after, as two halves don’t really make a whole at all in real life. Instead, two complete individuals share their lives and form a 3rd entity, i.e., their coupledom. Therefore, in a healthy international relationship, the keywords are “you”, “me” as well as “us”. This isn’t just about “us”. Please let me explain. ?
- What fairy tales, romantic novels, love songs and Hollywood movies told us is co-dependence.
Even Spice Girls have a popular song called “Two Become One” which is absolutely beautiful. However, I think romantic songs and fairy tales actually got it wrong because “two becoming one” is probably co-dependence. In my opinion, two becoming three is what gives people freedom and a sense of security in love & in life. But what does “two becoming three” mean?
Two becoming three = two self-reliant people as well as a very strong bond as a real couple. ?
Never fall in love while losing yourself. It’s extremely important to know yourself, prioritize yourself, nurture yourself and respect yourself no matter what. This is literally selfless selfishness, meaning you should always put yourself first so you are able to do your best for other people. Otherwise, sooner or later, you will gradually become exhausted, upset and unhappy, and that’s exactly when resentment arises.
This concept definitely applies to international relationships where you surely need a “selfish” approach to be authentic and then you can connect from within. ❤️
- Are you able to self-validate?
A healthy and happy life requires true self-reliance as well as the ability to self-validate, so you don’t require anyone else to judge you from their boring worldview and then to decide whether you are right or wrong.
I have a close friend who enjoys her single life after getting divorced. If the right person comes along, she is happy to remarry. But if the right person doesn’t come along, she is perfectly okay with it. However, many people around her judge her from their mediocre worldview, i.e., being single is certainly worse than being in a relationship. As a result, they believe that she is totally wrong. Yet as I see it, she is clearly right – she doesn’t have a sense of urgency only because she is happily single now and if she meets the right person, she will be in a relationship again – that’s exactly right! As she is able to self-validate, she doesn’t need anyone’s approval. Interestingly, I would argue that someone like this woman is more likely to find a high-quality partner. ✨
In romantic relationships, people generally require their partners to make them feel great, for they got into relationships via their own sense of lack – of course, they need the other person to make them feel good and whole. Nevertheless, no other individual could do that for you as this must come from within. From my point of view, the expectation that your spouse should “complete” you will simply result in disappointment which will eventually lead to limited (and limiting) co-dependence or blame / bitterness.
Starting a relationship out of need causes a different relationship to one coming out of respect, desire and want. Usually, neediness comes from incompleteness and fear; hence, it is not the solid foundation for a sustainable relationship.
The society needs self-reliant individuals, i.e., those who genuinely trust themselves and are able to start authentic relationships based on their own strength rather than lack. If a relationship is based on lack, two people’s needs are oftentimes around material concepts, societal expectations and cultural expectations instead of what’s real for them.
“The best way to start a good international relationship is to be self-reliant in the first place. What are your needs? Are these needs ones that once met / fulfilled will result in you being a more self-reliant and complete person?”
Olga loves travelling and learning about different cultures. She enjoys taking photos, trying new foods, and spending time outdoors. A skilled writer, Olga is a language enthusiast as well. She enjoys meeting new people from around the world and trying out new recipes in her kitchen.
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