Answers to an Online Dating Question: “Did I Make the Right Decision?”

Online dating can be hard.

A man reached out to me last week with a question. He asked me last week whether he had made the correct decision regarding his relationship. He had broken up with his girlfriend because she was flirting with a gay co-worker for a long time.

This man told me that he had been in a long-distance relationship with her for about 1 year, but she says they were in an online relationship for about 3. He lives in the United Kingdom, whereas she lives overseas. To protect their privacy, I won’t disclose more details about his original question, but I’d like to share some of the excerpts from my answer to his question here so that you can learn a few things about online dating.

[Please note that in my response below, “you” refers to the gentleman who asked that question. I’ve also changed certain details below so as to protect everyone’s privacy.]

Dear Reader,

Thank you for asking me a very important question regarding online dating.

Two main factors have caused the current online dating situation.

First…

Your bond with her was a long-distance one. This poses challenges in maintaining a strong connection as it doesn’t offer opportunities for building and nurturing your bond. Hence, it’s quite common for individuals, if not the majority, to seek fulfillment of their emotional and physical needs from nearby sources. People have fundamental requirements that demand immediate attention. This is why I suggest prioritizing an in-person meeting at the earliest when it comes to online dating.

Second…

I believe your long-distance relationship with her didn’t have enough excitement and she doesn’t have discipline. Due to her lack of discipline, hanging out with a fun guy who is nearby is convenient and exciting for her. She posted their photos on social media, partly because she was assuming it doesn’t matter (that guy is a gay co-worker), and partly because she & this gay co-worker have a shared social circle (they have many mutual friends in their organization/in their local area).

Note that you might find the paragraph below slightly offensive, but here is the uncomfortable truth:

I believe that she may have developed an attraction towards her gay co-worker, despite the fact that he is gay and she is straight. It is not uncommon for straight women to not feel attracted to gay men, but sometimes, certain qualities that are not commonly found in straight men, such as artistic expression, emotional sensitivity, and understanding, can make some gay men very attractive to women. Additionally, some gay men possess a unique blend of masculine and feminine energy, which can be alluring to many people.

The majority of Darren Hayes’s fans, for example, are women who have been in love with him for decades because he is artistically expressive, very emotional and highly sensitive, and has the right amount of feminine energy. Darren Hayes is a musician and the ideal example of a gay man to whom straight women are attracted to.

In order to help you further understand the situation, now I’m going to share a personal first-hand experience with you.

I once had a younger co-worker who happened to be gay and we spent a lot of time together. Despite the fact that he identified as gay, he expressed a strong desire to spend time with me and our conversations were engaging and enjoyable. I believe this was due to my ability to flirt and connect with others, regardless of their sexual orientation. Our interactions were never influenced by his sexuality, but rather by our mutual interests and an electrifying connection.

As a result, in spite of the age gap and other factors, he was addicted to me. Obviously, when a woman’s dating skills are really good, she can influence people around her quickly, no matter whether they are straight or gay. Charisma and charm are easy to exude because dating skills require you to enjoy interacting with people!

The ending of my story was he left that organization because he found a new job elsewhere after getting a new degree at university, but we still keep in touch with each other.

My advice for you about online dating:

1. Your intuition is always right. If your intuition tells you that her friendship with her gay co-worker is inappropriate, please trust your intuition. In your case, you have mentioned that you have solid evidence that can prove she has an inappropriate relationship with her gay co-worker, which means she is someone that would give in to temptation quite easily.
2. She doesn’t really know what she is doing. First of all, she says her relationship with you lasted for 3 years when it only lasted for 1 year. Second, she couldn’t see the real crisis when she was significantly distracted by her gay co-worker and she is 31 years old. Additionally, her actions after the breakup may have been inconsistent or confusing, such as attempting to maintain contact with you but then suddenly blocking and unfriending you. It’s possible that she may not fully understand what she wants or how to achieve it... In the long term, she isn’t really the right person for you, although you probably don’t want to believe this now.
3. One clear indicator that you made the right decision is her lack of respect for you. Despite your expressed discomfort with her behavior on social media, she continuously made excuses to justify her actions for her own temporary happiness. This kind of behavior is immature and disrespectful. Respect is a fundamental requirement for a genuine relationship, and without it, love cannot exist.

Sometimes the best decisions in life are the most uncomfortable decisions.

All the best,

Your dating coach

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Olga P

Olga loves travelling and learning about different cultures. She enjoys taking photos, trying new foods, and spending time outdoors. A skilled writer, Olga is a language enthusiast as well. She enjoys meeting new people from around the world and trying out new recipes in her kitchen.