Dating advice for men: How to save a relationship that is possibly falling apart

July 2, 2020 at 10.02pm by in Dating advice
dating advice for men

I know this isn’t a pretty topic, but it’s a very important topic – if your relationship is falling apart, it is your responsibility. No, it’s not your fault; it’s just your responsibility. And even if your relationship is falling apart, it doesn’t mean you are supposed to blame yourself.

You should take action early if you really want to save your relationship.

A typical mistake that many couples make is they start to address their issues when it’s already too late.

In fact, you would be well-advised to take action early. Please do not wait until the relationship has become hopeless. Do something as early as you can.

If you notice something is wrong in your relationship, you’d better do something about it quickly. I know it sounds like hard work to some degree, yet a serious relationship is literally work, and there is nothing wrong with that. Fortunately, if you take action fast, the work wouldn’t be very hard. And that’s good news.

Iris Apfel (author of Iris Apfel: Accidental Icon) argues that her marriage has been successful because she and her husband see the humor in nearly everything in life and they are not petty at all. As a result, this happy couple could prevent big issues from happening in the first place.

Yes, humor is very powerful and not being petty is highly effective when it comes to dealing with most issues in a relationship. As I see it, the key to a wonderful relationship is never stop flirting with your lady. Actually, adding humor to the flirting process will make your relationship even better. That’s my honest opinion in terms of dating advice for men.

Understand the three pillars of a long-term relationship.

Emotional connection, intimacy as well as mutual benefits are the three pillars of a serious relationship, according to dating experts on an international dating site. If you are a realist, you will fully understand what those three pillars really are.

In my opinion, if two pillars are strong in a relationship, it is a great relationship.

If one pillar is strong in a relationship, that relationship can still work.

I personally don’t know any couple who has all three pillars in their relationship yet. That’s just the unpleasant realism. But perhaps you could build the perfect relationship! 😉

So, you may assess which pillar(s) need more effort, and then you can work on those areas so as to improve the quality of your relationship.

For example, you can have more shared experiences with your lady, e.g. taking her overseas for a holiday, having a date night per week, and so forth.

You may even introduce novelty and variety to your relationship by learning something new together, changing your hair style, etc.

The best activity is to join a dance class together as that is exactly how you will learn to communicate with your lady with bodyfulness. People have been talking about “mindfulness” for a very long time due to the popular theory of meditation these days, but “bodyfulness” is also an important concept, especially in a romantic relationship.

When you are learning salsa or tango with your lady, you will know that as a man, you are supposed to be the alpha leader in the dynamics!

Do you want to be happy? Or do you want to be right?

When you’re arguing with your lady, usually you would like to be right instead of happy. In my view, it’s a common mistake.

Maybe you are 100% right, but if being right does not even make you happy, then what’s the point of being right at all times?

Let me give you this analogy: when two nations are in a war against each other, both countries think they are absolutely right. However, the war is totally wrong as the damage is horrifying.

After an argument happens in a relationship, you need to have at least 3 positive experiences so as to feel happy again. Hence, it is very important to stop the unnecessary argument from happening in the first place.

If your lady’s behavior really annoys you, please examine the situation carefully and ask yourself, “Does her behavior violate my non-negotiables?”

Let’s say your lady’s behavior does not violate your non-negotiables, it’s okay for you to have some negative emotions or feelings. Yet nine times out of ten, emotions and feelings are not facts.

So, when a conflict happens, you should immediately find out whether it’s about emotions/feelings or facts.

When you focus on facts rather than emotions and feelings, you become a happier man. It’s a great way to choose to be happy instead of being right at all times, according to dating coaches from an international dating website.

You don’t have to deal with issues by yourself; consider hiring a relationship advisor.

Hiring a professional relationship advisor is a smart move when it’s actually necessary. But not everybody is happy to use a professional service like that due to many different reasons.

For example, creative entrepreneur Kate Northup and her husband Mike Watts had many arguments after their first daughter was born. Kate asked Mike to see a relationship counsellor with her. In fact, before their wedding, Kate already told Mike that if there is an issue in their marriage, they will ask for professional help.

Initially, Mike was unwilling to see a relationship counsellor after their arguments – most guys tend to think asking for help is a sign of weakness. Nevertheless, after a while, Mike figured out that asking for help shows strength – if something doesn’t work in his business, he would hire a business coach. Likewise, if something doesn’t work in his relationship, he should totally hire a relationship counsellor as well. As a result, Mike and Kate consulted with a relationship counsellor and they are still happily married today. Now their second daughter Ruby was born.

When to move on….

Ending a relationship can be a wise and intelligent decision, too.

I know that saving a relationship is key. Nonetheless, not every relationship should be saved, in my viewpoint.

You may want to save your sanity when chemistry and compatibility are both gone in your relationship. We all know what chemistry means, but what is compatibility?

Compatibility refers to the fact that you and your lady have the same / similar / compatible worldviews and values.

Let’s say you and your lady both love learning and reading. In that case, you share the same value system – both of you highly value knowledge and growth.

If you like wine and your lady likes cooking, you have similar values because you are both into the foodie culture.

In terms of compatible values, an example can be: you like watching TV and your lady likes writing. As you are watching TV, she can be writing something on her laptop. No, you don’t really have to do the same activity at the same time; as long as your interests do not affect each other negatively, it’s fine!

“Your love life is a journey. Learn to love the journey.”

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