How to keep an international relationship alive

international dating

Why are romantic relationships so difficult? Well, this could literally be a myth until the 5 love languages are clearly identified.

⦁ Use the right love language in your international relationship.

Love Language 1: words of affirmation, e.g. ‘I love you’ and compliments. Many people in this category are considered “extroverts”.

Love Language 2: acts of service, e.g. supporting their partners’ career or business & doing household chores. A lot of “introverts” are in this category as they usually do more and say less.

Love Language 3: quality time, e.g. doing something together and spending time with each other. Truthfully, your time is your most valuable asset in life, for you can always get your money back; nonetheless, you can never get your time back!

Love Language 4: physical touch, e.g. kissing and hugging each other. Of course, high-quality intimacy in the bedroom is a big part of physical touch as well.

Love Language 5: receiving gifts, e.g. on a special occasion, giving someone a gift to show genuine love.

Now if you can identify your partner’s love language, please ‘speak’ their love language regularly so that your romantic relationship will become sparkier! Note that Law of Reciprocity is real: in love and in life, you can only get what you give.

If you can’t identify your partner’s love language, please ask them to read this post and tell you what their love language is! Clarity is paramount!

⦁ The truth about confidence in an international relationship:

There are three layers of confidence:

External confidence – This is all about how you look, how you talk, how you walk, the way you carry yourself, etc. Don’t underestimate the power of external confidence. Actually, your external confidence significantly influences your emotions: Indeed, when you are wearing your favorite outfit, you definitely feel better, right? That means your external confidence oftentimes determines how you actually feel – this is very important.

Lifestyle confidence – This layer of confidence is about where you derive your confidence from. A woman with lifestyle confidence would derive her confidence from various areas of her life, e.g. her career, her love life, her friends, her family, her hobbies, etc. When someone derives confidence from a wide variety of areas, this person is more resilient, because if one or two areas of her life don’t work, she can derive enough confidence from other areas of her life!

Internal confidence – This level of confidence is literally about radical self-love. Yes, I’m talking about how much you love yourself. I know this sounds a bit corny, but it’s true: A truly confident woman understands her real worth no matter what happens. She doesn’t need anyone to give her validation. That’s an invincible woman with core confidence.

⦁ How to overcome anxiety in an international relationship (or any relationship):

A recent study in Europe, America and Australia shows that the No. 1 mental health challenge that people face is anxiety. So, how to overcome anxiety has become a frequent topic of discussion.

Don’t argue with intrusive thoughts. Usually, anxiety is caused by things that you are worried about, i.e. intrusive thoughts. Please note that the more you argue with your intrusive thoughts, the louder they will become! Therefore, a much better approach is to accept them. Let me give you this analogy: You are driving a car which keeps speeding up automatically. For some reason, this car doesn’t have brakes and only has an accelerator. Consequently, the more you step on the gas pedal, the faster this car becomes. What you should do now is to stop controlling the car and just let the car run out of gas!

Don’t take your thoughts seriously. According to Dr Sally Winston (a licensed psychologist who specializes in treating anxiety disorders), trying to fight anxiety only makes it worse. Here is a metaphor: You are driving a car and suddenly you notice that there is some mud on the window. If you try to quickly remove the mud by wiping the window immediately, chances are the window will become dirty. But if you wait for the rain to wash the window and the sun to dry the window, the mud will disappear by itself!

Listening to your inner voice doesn’t mean you ignore other people’s useful advice. It only means you live a life true to yourself; meanwhile, you only fill your brain with helpful information and don’t allow junk to enter your brain. Therefore, although many people would give you their opinions, it doesn’t mean every opinion is valuable.

“When you know your values, it’s easier for you to identify which resource gives you the right information and which resource is irrelevant. I’d like you to read a book called Values Clarification in which you will find out exactly what you actually value!”

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