How to make a long-distance relationship work (international dating advice)

When you pick up the telephone and begin to talk to your girlfriend, even your eyes become slightly dreamy, yet your heart is thinking… if this long-distance relationship will work well or not.

I know this type of pain. It’s more common than you think.

Now I would like to reveal the top secrets to maintain a long-distance relationship. Hopefully you will benefit from the information in this article! ?

Can a long-distance relationship work well?

Frankly, the answer can be yes or no. Let me explain.

There are 3 pillars in a relationship: intimacy, emotional connection and a shared blueprint. Obviously, in a long-distance relationship, intimacy is absent. Truthfully, a romantic relationship with emotional connection but without intimacy is literally a friendship only. Yet you do not want to friend-zone your girlfriend.

As a result, what must happen is to create a solid shared blueprint. Here are some examples:

1. Liz and Greg are a couple in a long-distance relationship. This couple run an internet business together. Since their internet business is wildly successful, Liz and Greg have mutual benefits – the profit of their online business. This shared blueprint is to build the biggest eCommerce store in their industry. Their goal is to move to the same city within 2 years.
2. Betty and Chandler are in a long-distance relationship. They have a 10-year-old son. Both Betty and Chandler love their son so much (unconditional love). As they truly want their son to enjoy a very happy family life, Betty and Chandler are planning to live in the same city within 1 year.

In the above-mentioned examples regarding international dating advice, it can be seen that those 2 couples have straightforward and clear mutual benefits (AKA shared blueprint). Hence, their long-distance relationships work pretty well.

Sadly, a lot of couples do not have a solid shared vision, so lack of a shared blueprint would make their long-distance relationships much harder.

How to make a long-distance relationship work well for you:

Firstly, your relationship needs a solid, strong shared blueprint. It can be a business that you are going to build with your partner or kids from your relationship. Even though you may not want to start a business right now, you might think about something practical and realistic – creating an amazing way of life that you and your lady could share. Maybe you are both movie fans, so you could go to the cinema once a week and start a movie reviews podcast. This activity will surely make you look forward to the excitement each week! Don’t underestimate the power of anticipation and excitement. By the way, Australian singer Darren Hayes has a movie reviews podcast called We Paid to See This which is absolutely hilarious.

Secondly, you should find a way to move to the same location as soon as possible!

Incidentally, if you cannot fulfil your intimate needs in a long-distance relationship, that’s totally understandable. But you can channel your desire into something more productive – writing a blog, building muscles or upgrading your career / business. In reality, when your intimate needs are not really met, you are more able to build something great for yourself. This sounds a bit counter-intuitive, but I can show you a good example which might sound extreme, yet it’s extremely inspiring. Let’s learn something from the true story below:

As the most successful singer in Australia, Darren Hayes used to pray to God each night not to make him gay when he was a teenager because he did not want to have AIDS and did not want to go to hell! When he was a teenager, he had gay thoughts; thus, he checked his HIV status in the late 80s – he was terrified! Due to his homophobia, he married a woman that he met at university when he was only 21 years of age – he just wanted to fit in! In that marriage, he basically used artistic expression (music) to fulfil his real intimate needs as intimacy with his wife at that time was simply a substitute – he is 100% gay. That was how he became so successful – his well-known band Savage Garden literally won ten awards from thirteen nominations at the Annual Australian Recording Industry Association Music Awards in the late 90s. Savage Garden’s song Truly, Madly, Deeply is the most played love song on radio in American history.

Darren met Richard after his divorce. Now his intimate needs are clearly met. However, these days he is not very interested in music anymore. I would argue that there is a trade-off!

Typical signs of a failing long-distance relationship:

The first sign of a failing long-distance relationship is lack of excitement / spark. When you evaluate the reason why you chose your partner in the first place, that particular reason is absent now. As a consequence, the relationship has certainly lost its spark / excitement. You cannot really explain why the relationship is not great any longer and that is the most obvious sign of a failing long-distance relationship, for it’s an emotional response instead of a logical response. Lack of spark has already registered in the limbic brain.

Well, you can still address this issue by having a virtual date with your partner every day!

The second sign of a failing long-distance relationship is lack of a mutual direction in life. Perhaps there was a goal that you shared with your partner. Nevertheless, that goal is non-existent right now. I’d like to give you an analogy: every successful organization has a clear vision statement and everybody in the organization is aware of what they work for every day; as a result, they can stay focused. Likewise, a long-distance relationship with a mutual direction in life also makes things much easier. Remember: it is not really about looking at each other’s eyes every day; it’s about two individuals looking at the same direction in life! Without a mutual direction, a long-distance relationship is very, very vulnerable.

So, if this is an issue that you are dealing with now, you should identify what motivates you and your partner & do something about that motivation – Can you start a company together? Can you watch movies on Netflix together?

The most practical international dating advice: working on yourself also benefits your partner!

Since you play a key role in your long-distance relationship, you should totally work on yourself. When you are happy, everything becomes a bit easier automatically, right? Rather than purchasing a gym membership that you almost never use, you would be well-advised to do some exercise in the sun every day. Dr Christiane Northrup argues that working out in the sun can help your body and brain to produce more Vitamin D & improve your sleep. This is especially true if you do some physical exercise in the sun more than 4 days per week between 6:00am and 8:00am. You will surely feel energized as a result. ?

“Many guys complain about how challenging their love lives are, yet very few guys are willing to invest in their education about female psychology. Don’t be one of them! You should read more books about female psychology and make your knowledge work for you. This is the ultimate international dating advice.”

Olga P

Olga loves travelling and learning about different cultures. She enjoys taking photos, trying new foods, and spending time outdoors. A skilled writer, Olga is a language enthusiast as well. She enjoys meeting new people from around the world and trying out new recipes in her kitchen.