Many married people are wondering why marriage is so hard. Well, if you were married before, perhaps you are wondering the same thing. Don’t worry. You aren’t alone. Truthfully, every couple go through challenges in life. Yes, I mean every couple. Marriage is a project for mature adults who are sophisticated enough to manage the dynamics in love. In theory, a marriage is about two individuals sharing everything, yet in reality, research shows that when boundaries in marriage is non-existent, the marriage is not sustainable anymore.
Emotional boundaries are good for you.
A genuine emotional connection is the foundation of a successful marriage, for it is the most important pillar in a romantic relationship. How do we define emotional connection?
Emotional connection means the authentic, pure and true love in a relationship, i.e. you genuinely appreciate each other; you’ve had a lot of shared experiences together; you sincerely do not want to hurt each other.
Actually, contrary to popular belief, the ideal way to make the connection stronger is not sharing every experience with your partner. I would argue that emotional boundaries are important in a healthy marriage. Here is why:
If you love your partner so much that you are always together and never give each other any kind of space in life, this relationship is literally suffocating!
Please imagine this scenario: Both you and your partner are invited to an upscale party. As you arrive at the beautiful party, your partner is there already. You notice your partner working the room, talking to various individuals and enjoying themselves. In this moment, witnessing your partner’s charm and charisma from a distance helps you figure out how attractive your partner really is!
When you join your partner at this party later on, you will literally feel even more attracted to your partner! ?
This is a great example of setting emotional boundaries in a relationship. You simply give each other the right amount of space in life. You also give yourself a good opportunity to see how amazing your partner is from a distance. You truly appreciate your partner more because of that. As a result, emotional boundaries are able to strengthen the connection in a healthy relationship. This is the best marriage advice for men. ?
British entrepreneur Lisa Bilyeu started several businesses with her husband Tom Bilyeu, meaning they have a lot of shared experience in life, love and business. However, when Lisa decided to set up her podcast The Sheroic Podcast, she did not ask Tom to be involved in this project. She just asked her friend Cassey to be the co-host of the podcast. As Tom went to see Lisa in their studio, he saw a very different side of Lisa.
“Lisa is a multi-dimensional woman. Now I feel more attracted to my wife when I saw her photo shoot in the studio. I’m so proud of Lisa and her new podcast,” says Tom, “I’m so in love with her.”
Financial boundaries are paramount in a good marriage.
As a matter of fact, no one’s marriage is absolutely invincible as love is quite vulnerable in front of human nature. Having said that, a good marriage always has crystal clear financial boundaries, which makes this marriage relatively invincible.
Here is how to set financial boundaries in a good marriage:
First of all, a couple who have a tremendous amount of wealth should probably get a pre-nup or even a post-nup. This is not the most romantic thing to do, yet it’s quite essential.
After signing a pre-nup / post-nup, you will know that no matter what happens in your life, your wealth is safe. Frankly, money is a key pillar in a marriage. Therefore, you can feel more relaxed in love and in life. This is a good way to build a wonderful marriage in the long run.
In contrast, if a couple do not feel relaxed / comfortable when it comes to signing a pre-nup / post-nup and they don’t sign that, they would have more stress or anxiety in their marriage – this literally makes things more difficult in the long term.
Furthermore, not every couple have a lot of wealth. Thus, if you do not think a pre-nup / post-nup is absolutely necessary, it is fine. Yet I would still encourage you to set clear financial boundaries in your marriage in this way:
You and your partner have a shared account in the bank – this bank account looks after all shared expenses in the marriage, i.e. bills, housing, and so on. You have some shared investments as well as savings, too.
Besides, you and your partner also have individual personal bank accounts. You do not share the passwords with each other. You use your own bank account to do whatever you want – buying high-end shoes or investing in something else. This is completely up to you. At the same time, your partner uses her own bank account to do whatever she wants to do, and it’s okay!
So long as you have had very honest discussions before setting up financial boundaries in your marriage, you will love it!
Boundaries in marriage can alleviate anxiety.
Anxiety comes from trying to control things that are outside your control.
A marriage without boundaries can cause anxiety easily. Hence, you should understand what is under your control and what is outside of your control in a marriage. Remember: you are only able to influence your partner’s actions and feelings; you cannot control her actions and feelings. Clearly, thinking in this way literally reduces anxiety!
Moreover, boundaries in marriage are good for professional growth as well. It turns out that spending all day every single day with your partner cannot broaden your horizon and cannot help you improve your career.
Keith Ferrazzi points out that most career/business opportunities come from your weak links – acquaintances rather than your family and friends, for your inner circle and you probably share the same resources or similar resources. To be honest, if your family and friends and can help you improve your career or business, they must have already done it! By contrast, your weak links and you share different resources; as a result, your acquaintances are more able to help you improve your career or your business.
Obviously, if you would like to have more career or business opportunities, you shouldn’t spend all day every day with your partner. Instead, you would be well-advised to spend more time networking with weak links in your industry or in other industries.
Boundaries in marriage give you more joy.
This is the most honest marriage advice for men: When you give each other some space in a marriage, you will stay flirtatious with your partner for a lifetime. A high-quality marriage does not stop you from seducing your partner. Seduction is a journey, not a destination. You have to love the journey.
Lastly, boundaries in marriage also help you grow together as a couple. As you have set clear boundaries, you can have more flexibility which helps you adjust based on different circumstances in your life. So, you and your partner can become well-calibrated and will grow together in the long term.
“What is the best marriage advice for men that you have read on our blog? Please write a comment below and let us know!”
Olga loves travelling and learning about different cultures. She enjoys taking photos, trying new foods, and spending time outdoors. A skilled writer, Olga is a language enthusiast as well. She enjoys meeting new people from around the world and trying out new recipes in her kitchen.
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