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5 Helpful Steps for Resolving Conflicts in Marriage

October 13, 2017 at 6.20am by
Marriage Conflicts

Marriage is such a beautiful thing and it is the most important relationship you will have with another person. The sad news is that many married couples go through terrible marriage problems which bring them to a point of divorce or separation. But we have to admit it, conflicts are inevitable and they are happening not just to marriages but to other kinds of relationships. It’s because people have different personalities and backgrounds. They all have different expectations and when these expectations are not met and when they can’t get to agree on certain things, arguments and conflicts arise.

Tension in marriages are completely inevitable. They will happen whether we like it or not. The most important thing is that married couples should know how to handle the situation well so that it does not have to come to a point where they will have to decide to have separate lives. When conflicts happen in your marriage, you and your spouse have a choice on how you will act.

Here are some steps you should take to help you resolve these conflicts.

1. List down all of the things you usually disagree and argue about

As a couple, you sure have a long list of disagreements and more often than not, these are just caused by petty things which are usually left unaddressed. Sometimes, you decide not to discuss these things because you fear that it might lead to arguing. However, if you just set these things aside, they will pile up and resentment will grow. So as a couple you need to agree on a time when both of you are calm to talk about these issues. You must also agree that no one will be raising voices, and that you give each other chances to talk. You must also listen actively and if you must, also write down important points that your spouse raises. Communication is the key. Sometimes all it takes is just some adjustment with the manner of talking to each other.

2. Don’t try to change your partner

No one can change a person unless they decide to change themselves. They won’t like it when you tell them what to do when they do things wrong or when they made mistakes. Instead of trying to change each other, change yourselves to be better. Work on improving the things within yourself that you still need to work on. Remember the list you have created. You can use it and work on the items that your spouse does not really like about you and vice versa. It is not something you can perfect overnight but if you work on it every day, you will notice how much it will help your marriage blossom.

3. Stay calm

Your marriage is most likely going to survive if you guys are calm most of the time and the good interactions still outnumber the bad. That is the reason why if you have something negative to tell each other, as much as possible, give the feedback in a low tone and avoid raising your voices. It will all boil down to your delivery or manner of speech. The tone makes all the difference. Otherwise, you will find yourselves arguing about almost everything because you complain, you rant, you whine with your high pitched voice and you will annoy each other even more. When you get heated, you will just fight. And the same thing will happen tomorrow. Learn to calm yourself even when the situation makes it hard for you to calm down.

4. Share your feedback constructively

When you need to give your spouse a feedback, make sure that it is constructive and not destructive. You are telling them these things because you want them to be better and not because you want them to get hurt by the things you say. While you want to be as honest as possible, make sure that you are also careful with your choice of words because they might take it differently and it might again be a cause of another conflict. If there has to be a confrontation, it has to be a loving confrontation. It means that your approach should come with grace and tactfulness, as well as humility and wisdom.

5. Be willing to forgive

A conflict will not be resolved unless you are both willing to forgive each other. If one of you is at fault, then they should apologize and make sure that you also apologize for how you reacted or for anything that made the situation worse. It won’t make you less of a person if you humble yourself enough to say your sorry’s to each other and admit if you have made a mistake. And after the apology, be willing to forgive. In this case, forgiveness means you should no longer recall these mistakes in the future. When you also forgive, it means that you should not have the desire to punish or to take revenge.

Marriage can be very complicated especially when you and your spouse are different in many ways. However, there will always be ways to work things out especially if you are both willing to make your marriage work, for the sake of your family and the sake of your children. At the end of the day, it will boil down to how much committed your vows, to your promises and to each other.

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