How to Keep Online Conversations Interesting, Part 1

December 11, 2016 at 9.16pm by in Dating advice
Online Conversations

Countless love stories wither before they ever get the chance to blossom into something unmatched in its beauty, leaving you with nothing else to do, except wonder where you went wrong. You blame yourself as you wallow in the sadness that only a broken heart knows. After some time, you gain enough courage to open up your heart to the possibility of loving again. “This is it,” you whisper to yourself in the middle of a conversation with the person you are grateful for piecing the pieces of your heart together again.

The first date is everything you could have ever dreamed of and more. In the dim light of a fancy restaurant or a coffee shop, you keep blinking your eyes and pinching yourself because you find it nearly impossible to believe that something good is finally happening. Love, at last, is standing at your door. You find yourself lost in a conversation that is only interrupted by the waiter clearing the plates and asking if you would like another glass of wine. You say yes without breaking eye contact.

You head out to the street as you wait for a cab to take you home. You break all your promises to yourself not to seem too keen and proceed to tell them that you have never had such a fun night in a very long while. You discover that your feelings are mirrored. The night is yet to come to a close, but you already are making plans to see each other again. Friday night, Saturday afternoon. You tell them it hardly matters as long as you get to spend more time with them again.

The second date cannot come too soon. You are giddy with the impatience of a child on Christmas Eve, picking up the box underneath the Christmas tree, the one with their name on it, shaking the box to figure out if what lies inside the shiny wrap is what you have written in your Christmas wish list.

As if out of the blue, you find yourself in front of the person you are pretty sure you will be spending the rest of your life with. Yet it also feels as if you are with a different person. You open your mouth, but barely anything comes out of it. You look at your date. While during the first date, it has seemed like you are catching up for not having known each other for a quarter of a lifetime, this night feels as if you are strangers with absolutely nothing in common, like two people waiting on the train platform engaged in small talk, politely complaining to each other about how the train is late again for the hundredth time in a week.

You throw a smile at each other. You gaze into each other’s eyes, but turn your head to stare at the table because the silence is anything else but comfortable. The night ends, and you have only exchanged more awkward smiles than sentences. You know how bad of a night it has been, but you want to be polite. You lie through your teeth and tell them that night has been splendid. “Yeah, splendidly awkward,” you tell yourself as they get on a cab that will take them home.

Half an hour later, you find yourself in bed with troubling questions. “Where did I go wrong?” you ask yourself once more. You smell your breath and your clothes. They smell exactly the same way they smelled on the night of your first date. You let out a sigh. You are in the very same rut you were in a few weeks or months ago. It is another love story that has withered before it ever gets the chance to bloom into something unmatched in its beauty.

You alternate between wondering about what you can do to break the cycle and pondering on giving up on love altogether.

Some people realize where they go wrong almost immediately while others take some time, enough time to become disillusioned about romance.

In many instances, conversations are to blame. Rather, the lack of quality conversations. As one song goes, “I want love to love me back. I want two-way conversations.” Yes, the seed of love has no chance of ever blossoming without interesting conversations to shine its warm rays upon it.

The ugly truth is that it also applies to the online dating scene. You spend hours upon hours looking through various online dating profiles and grow more and more surprise at how many people out there can be the one you can share your whole life with. After gathering just the right amount of confidence, you reach out to a few of them. Everything is going well until you notice a similar pattern. After some time, the conversations just seem to die, and you finally admit to yourself that you are partly to blame because you are clueless when it comes to keeping conversations going.

But worry no more because here are few tips on how to keep online conversations interesting.

1) Ask questions.

Several years ago, a story came out that sent shockwaves across the entire dating scene, online and offline alike. According to a certain social experiment, it apparently takes only a few hours to fall in love with someone and also make the other person fall in love with you. The most important part of this experiment, second to finding someone you can have this conversation with is, is asking each other specific questions from a set composed of thirty-six. These questions range from personal ones to silly ones and are sure to make them think, laugh their asses off, and share pieces of their life with you. While these questions are meant to be asked when you are face to face with someone, it is nonetheless a marvelous idea to make them a part of your online conversations.

The simplest and lightest of questions are also a guaranteed way to keep online conversations interesting. As a matter of fact, asking these seemingly thoughtless questions is a good way to keep the conversation running. Because they hardly require answers that a person can only come up with after a minute or two-minute long trip down memory lane, they will ultimately feel comfortable around you until they eventually let their guards down.

In addition, a variety of psychological studies have proven that when you are asking someone to talk about their life, they immediately take a liking to you. Once someone starts liking you, they certainly will find ways to spend more time with you and put in more effort towards keeping the sparks burning.

A conversation filled with questions is also a reliable indicator of whether you and your date are a pretty good match. This happens when they also express interest in you by asking you questions. However, if you are the only one asking away, you can be sure that the person you are talking to is self-absorbed and is not the kind of person who will value your emotions.

2) Honesty is still the best policy.

When you find yourself talking to people online, it becomes easy to adapt a new personality. According to scientists, this is normal because people tend to let their hair down when they are talking to someone whom they are not face to face with. However, some people more than crank things up a notch. Rather than gaining a more confident personality, some people down right take on new identities. Experts explain that this is born out of the unhappiness that people have in their lives, in addition to insecurities that prevent them from building connections in their lives outside of the online dating scene.

Honesty is indeed the best policy because it saves you from more heartache in the end. Say, you are hitting it off with someone. You are so alike, and you both want to take your relationship to the next level. However, you lied about your height.

People who embrace their flaws are instantly more attractive because they seem more human. That is not license to beat yourself up, though. Be flawesome and tell them while you are shorter than the average person in your age group, you make up worth it with humor.

Moreover, make fun of yourself to demonstrate your confidence. This can result in the other person sharing their own insecurities with you because they are aware that you can handle the truth.

3) Flirt away.

There is nothing in the world that can ignite more sparks than flirting. While good conversations are a good indication of whether the other person is interested in you, flirting is the only indication that someone likes you more than as a friend. And when you are talking online to someone that you like, you no doubt want to know if they like you, as well.

However, you need to consider that flirting online should be carried out at a different pace than when you are flirting with someone you know in real life. The reason behind that is since the person you are engaged in an online conversation with cannot see you, your flirtatious words and acts can easily be taken the wrong way. Various relationship experts have also agreed that flirtation in an online setting can be a major turn off.

Now, what are some things that qualify as flirting? Sending a gym selfie or talking about sex toys send a clear message that pertains to physical intimacy. Instead, turn your flirting dial a few notches down and ask them questions that have just the right amount of spice. For example, ask them if they are a cat person or a dog person, then casually throw in the fact that dog persons are popularly known as better lovers.

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