Online dating for modern daters: How to manage insecurities

Almost everyone has some insecurities, especially in this day and age when Instagram is popular – when you look at someone else’s six-pack, you might wish you had that as well. So, how can we manage insecurities properly?

• The truth about insecurities:

If jealousy is present in a relationship, oftentimes that’s because someone has insecurities that aren’t managed correctly. Let’s say you pay somebody else a compliment and now your girlfriend is angry – there are two possible reasons: A) you aren’t giving the compliment in the right way; B) she is very insecure.

When you praise a female co-worker (or your ex-girlfriend), your partner becomes upset, particularly if that’s a physical compliment. What should you do?

My suggestion is to reposition your compliment, e.g., A) “Stacey is nice, but I just like someone who totally understands me.” B) “Sammy is very tall, but I like petite and feminine women.” Obviously, you should reposition your remark to give your partner the attention as well as the validation indirectly. What’s more, you can keep your tone teasing so she knows this isn’t something extremely serious.

• It’s your responsibility to help your girlfriend build some confidence.

At the end of the day, it’s your girlfriend’s responsibility to build her self-assurance. But since you are her boyfriend, you are supposed to support her in this journey. That’s why your help is essential. 

If she is unhappy as you gave another woman a compliment, please note that it is certainly not an attack on you personally. It’s simply an expression of her own insecurity and jealousy.

You need to make your partner feel loved and attractive. As long as her security is there, both of you will benefit from this romantic relationship.

In a totally healthy relationship, your partner is supposed to be okay with you giving someone else a compliment. As a result, at the initial stage of a relationship, you can give another woman a compliment and if your partner becomes annoyed, you must pre-frame the scenario by saying this to her, “Darling. No need to be angry when I give somebody else a compliment. Now you should know that I’m madly in love with you as you are very confident and cool.” In this way, you are basically telling her what’s acceptable behavior and what’s not acceptable in this relationship. Your connotation is: “My partner should act in a cool and calm way when I give others compliments as my partner’s confidence is the No. 1 attractive quality in her.”

• What if you are insecure?

Well, when your partner compliments somebody else, you may feel insecure. In this situation, please do not panic!

The ideal way to handle this situation is to keep your clarity at all times. By that I mean you should never lose yourself in a romantic relationship. You have to have your ambitions, interests, hobbies, friends and career. All of those will not change no matter you have a partner or not because all of those give you real confidence.

Apparently, a lot of people find it challenging to succeed in their careers right now because of COVID which has affected almost every business in the world. Many people that I know have become unemployed during the pandemic. Some people used to run successful travel agencies, but now they are merchandizers in the supermarket. Some people were university professors, but now they are making coffee for customers in coffee shops. It is not easy for a large number of individuals to manage their careers nowadays. Yet switched-on people see the uncertainty as an opportunity which allows them to try new and different things. Although this is a blog post about online dating and relationships, I have to point out that a guy has to maintain clarity no matter what’s happening in his love life.

“Your self-assurance gives you the confidence, courage and strength in trying times. It also helps you enjoy your romantic relationship better.”

Olga P

Olga loves travelling and learning about different cultures. She enjoys taking photos, trying new foods, and spending time outdoors. A skilled writer, Olga is a language enthusiast as well. She enjoys meeting new people from around the world and trying out new recipes in her kitchen.