Understanding the Five Languages of Love

May 22, 2017 at 12.28pm by in Dating advice

Five Languages of Love

No relationship is ever perfect. There will be a lot of time when you will have arguments with your partner, and you will end up wishing that they can read your mind. You’d wish they know how you were feeling, what you were thinking, and what you’d want them to do instead. This is where the concept of love languages comes in.

This idea will pretty much give you an insight on what makes your partner tick; it will give you an insight to understanding your partner better, especially when it comes to their own understanding and expression of love. Understanding these things can better help you deal with the differences in your relationship.

Dr. Gary Chapman is the one who coined this term, and according to him, people express and interpret love in five universal ways. He also believes that each and every person has a primary and secondary love language. I’m pretty sure this sounds interesting and if you can’t wait to find out your own and your partner’s love language, read on.

1. Words of affirmation

Using words to affirm and build up people is one of the most effective ways for you to express love emotionally. When you use words of appreciation or verbal compliments, you are also using one of the most powerful tools in communicating love. It does not have to be very complicated. You can use very simple words and statements to show that you appreciate your partner.

Words of affirmation are one of the most basic aspects of the five languages of love.

2. Quality time

We all know that time is one of the most precious gifts you can share with someone who means so much to you, whether it is your partner, parents, siblings, or friends. And when you say “quality time,” that means you are giving your undivided attention to a person without any distraction like devices, television, and everything else. Quality time means spending time together, just the two of you, like taking a walk or just enjoying your sweet time over a delicious meal.

3. Receiving gifts

There are some people who feel they are most loved when they are being given tangible gifts. However, this does not mean that the person is into material things, but there are just types of people who feel that they are more appreciated when they are given presents. In addition, love revolves around the spirit of giving, which means that gifts are also one of the most visible symbols of love.

When somebody gives you a gift, you will be able to tell that the person remembers you or is thinking of you. And it does not necessarily have to cost a huge amount of money because the most important thing is that you are thought of or you are also thinking about the person. Even if you are not naturally a gift giver, this is something that you can still learn to do.

4. Acts of service

There are also some people whose basis of love relies on a person’s actions instead of words. They would rather believe what a person expresses based on what they do and show and not on what they say. There are so many ways for you to express the language of service if you want to make your partner feel loved. One of them is simply by lending a hand to show that you care, proactively doing some chores without having to be asked, or just doing anything that will do them a favor.

5. Physical touch

Physical touch is also considered to be one of the most powerful tools in communicating emotional love. And it does not only apply to couples. This fact also holds true for parents, children, siblings, and friends. For married couples, holding hands, kissing, and other acts of intimacy are their ways to express their emotional love to one another. However, there are people who have a greater need to feel physical touch because, without it, they have a tendency to feel unloved. But you do not necessarily have to constantly do this even when you’re in public. Just a little touch or everyday physical connection will be appreciated.

  • dw

    Oh dear!

    It is important to distinguish the symptom of a manifested love, from a mechanised reproduction of it. There is a difference between a heartfelt spontaneous compliment vs. the mechanised “try giving at least one compliment per week to your spouse. Make a note of the compliment so you don’t use it twice” (taken straight from the book).

    Many (if not all) of us have grown past the teenage phase of playing cheap games and tricks to win a person’s affection. Such antics do yield positive results, which do not last. Sooner or later, a person’s true nature begins to emerge and inconsistencies in their projections of such tokens of love begin to grow more prominent.

    True tokens of affection are born through the development and maturity of a person’s inner character. This cannot be artificially accelerated. It is worth cultivating that emotional intelligence and appreciation/acceptance of the other person. It is through this maturity, that the symptoms of these ‘love languages’ manifest.

    Use this book as a stepping stone to get a new perspective – but do not forfeit your ability to think. Having made this mistake myself in the past, I would warn anyone of developing an over-reliance on a set of ‘recipes’ that produce mechanised insincere gestures.


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