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Meeting women from Ukraine: Transformation – How to heal from childhood trauma

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It is reported that domestic violence is quite common in Eastern European countries such as Russia and Ukraine. No wonder so many beautiful Russian women and Ukrainian women are looking to marry western men so that they can leave their home countries. No matter you are looking to help your Ukrainian girlfriend to heal from her childhood trauma or you would like to heal from your own childhood trauma, this article is dedicated to you, my friend.

It turns out that almost everyone was traumatized at some stage in their life.

When a 6-year-old child gets lost in a supermarket, that’s actually a traumatic experience for the child because in his/her world, he/she gets lost entirely.

When a 12-year-old child is bullied by classmates at school, that’s very traumatic because for a teenager, the classroom is the entire world.

In countries such as Russia and Ukraine, domestic violence is commonplace, so chances are a woman from Ukraine was hit by her drunk father when she was young, and that was a childhood trauma.

Maybe you were abused or neglected when you were a child, and you understand the pain.

You are not alone.

Anna’s true story:

Anna is a 30-year-old Ukrainian woman. When she was a little girl, she suffered from eating disorder – as her father was feeding her one day, she choked a bit suddenly. From that moment on, she refused to eat. And she was not even 3 years old at that time.

Her parents were very frustrated because of her eating disorder: she could eat some snacks, but didn’t want to eat normal meals. Every night her parents finished dinner at 6 or 7pm, but they had to wait until Anna finished eating dinner (usually after 9pm) so that they could do the dishes.

One day, her father figured maybe the only way to get her to eat normally is to hit her physically. When Anna’s father was hitting her physically, Anna was crying while peeing on the carpet uncontrollably – she was so scared. Her mother was looking at the scene without knowing what to do. At that time, Anna was about 3 years old.

Then her father said to her mother, “I should stop hitting her in the future because she might remember these experiences in future and when she grows up, she may hate me.”

But the truth is: Anna has very good memory. She remembers what happened when she was 3 years of age. She also remembers what his father said to her mother.

Because Anna’s love for her parents is unconditional love, she has never mentioned her childhood trauma in front of her parents – she doesn’t want to upset her father in any way. That’s how much she loves him.

“My father only did what he could with what he knew at that time,” says Anna, the beautiful Ukrainian lady, “He didn’t know what to do. He only became mature after he turned 41 years old. Nobody is perfect. Everyone is flawed.”

When Anna was young, she feared her father, but she also truly loved him. And she still loves him unconditionally.

She told me that she cured her own eating disorder by telling herself how delicious each meal was (she invented affirmations when she was about 6 years old because she had to – she didn’t want to see her father get upset).

Anna’s transformation:

Anna is an elegant, intelligent and gorgeous woman from Ukraine. Although she lived in fear when she was young, she is the most courageous woman I’ve ever met. Obviously, the obstacle has made her more resilient. The obstacle is the way.

She has become mature and wise in spite of her childhood trauma, because of her childhood trauma.

By contrast, many women from western countries only have First-World problems, e.g. how to lose weight, how to compete with other women, how to look good at parties, and so forth.

That explains why Anna is a sophisticated, lovely and classy woman from Ukraine. She wasn’t born in a First-World country where people feel entitled and girls are spoilt. She was born in an ordinary family in Ukraine and her father was an ordinary man who is just flawed.

Instead of allowing her childhood trauma to consume her, Anna has become strong and empowered. She has read the following books in order to transform herself in case you are curious:

  1. A Daily Dose of Women’s Wisdom (by Dr. Christiane Northrup)
  2. Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself (by Dr. Joe Dispenza)
  3. Values Clarification (by Sidney B. Simon)
  4. The Biology of Belief: Unleashing the Power of Consciousness, Matter & Miracles (by Dr. Bruce Lipton)

Yes, this beautiful woman from Ukraine is an avid reader. Her bookshelf is full of self-help books. She says she never hates her father even though he was abusive when he was younger. Her big heart is full of love, warmth and gratitude.

“I only have one life. I’m very grateful because my parents gave me my life,” says Anna, the beautiful lady from Ukraine, “I don’t blame them, as they only did what they could with what they had at that time.”

There is a difference between forgiving someone and letting go.

If you were wronged by someone or you were traumatized when you were young, there are two healthy options: 1) you can forgive that person – because of that traumatic experience, you have become a stronger and more resilient person; 2) if you can’t forgive that person, you should let it go – don’t give that person too much power in your life; thinking about that traumatic experience and that person is not worthwhile.

Keep a journal. Write down how you feel and what you are thinking about every day so that you don’t have to keep things in your head. This will dramatically reduce your stress and anxiety in general.

If you or your Ukrainian girlfriend would like to get some professional help, you can consider hiring a life coach, a counsellor or a psychologist. Alternatively, you can use BetterHelp.com where you can find therapists online – they can talk to you on the Internet so you don’t have to go to a therapist’s office. If you don’t like the therapist, you can ask them to send another therapist to you. This service is very handy because you can have a video chat or an audio chat with a professional therapist any time.

Note that counselling is quite common in First-World countries, but in other countries, counselling is not very common, so maybe your Ukrainian girlfriend will say no to this idea. But it’s important to get some real help if she actually needs it.

A study conducted by Independent.co.uk suggests that in 2019 more than a quarter of British people (28%) have consulted a counsellor, compared with only 1 in 5 Brits in 2010. Apparently, counselling is becoming more and more popular nowadays because it actually works.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can be converted into Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG) if you are keen to heal from childhood trauma.”

  • Joe

    I believe that a great book for your clients to read is “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman I have seen it in Russian and Ukrainian in bookstores in Kyiv. It explains how we show and interpret our love through these five areas. I highly recommend this book to help give men and women a much better understanding into their relationships with those people we love.

    Reply

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