Am I Ready To Date? 6 Questions To Ask Yourself

August 20, 2019 at 1.31pm by in Dating advice
how to date again

Maybe it was a divorce. Or a trial separation. Maybe it was even your first love; the one you swore to cherish and keep throughout eternity. But whatever the cause, you may find yourself with a perennial question: am I ready to date again?

Even more importantly, when are you not ready to date again?

It might seem simple enough to saddle up and get back into the dating ring again. But times have changed. The world’s turned digital—and so have the rules of dating. Maybe you’re at an age where the bar scene is no longer appropriate nor even relevant. Or maybe you’re just like millions of other people who simply aren’t certain whether or not they’re ready to start dating again.

But if not now, then when?

It’s easy to feel pessimistic when facing uncertainty about dating. But pessimism isn’t just unattractive. It’s downright damaging. Recent research has linked pessimism to serious health conditions, including an increased risk of heart disease. Which is hardly comforting when you’re facing the prospect of dating again, but hopefully it might change your attitude altogether.

But before you get too down on yourself, here are some questions you may want to ask yourself before you decide you’re ready to date again.

What Is It That I Need Right Now?

Be absolutely honest with yourself before you start dating again. That means evaluating your needs, not your wants. Is it marriage? An activity partner? A confidante? Often times, one of the biggest mistakes we’ve made in a failed relationship isn’t just failing to know what we’re looking for. It’s failing to understand what we need in order to be happy, enriched and fulfilled. And what we need can frequently turn up when we least expect it—and in the most unlikely places.

Is It Too Easy For Me To Fall In Love?

We’re giddy with the prospect of finding the right one when we start dating again. We make lists. We idealize every possible attribute—physically, mentally and emotionally. It consumes every waking second. But are you being realistic? Are you jumping the gun? If you find yourself assuming the “right one” will materialize as quickly as your first date, don’t. Especially if you’ve been out of the dating game for a while. It’s easy to make presumptions. But it’s more reasonable to take your time in getting to know someone than setting yourself up for unrealistic expectations.

Have I Healed Enough To Start Dating Again?

Break ups are always painful. Some more so than others. And sometimes the pain can linger for months, if not years. But fixating on the past never does anyone good. And this is especially the case if fear is what’s stopping you from dating again. We’re not suggesting you automatically look for love immediately after a break up; in fact, you’re more likely to find a substitute than anything else. But you can’t let circumstances hold you back, either. Take your time. But don’t let past mistakes stand in the way of your happiness.

Am I Compatible Enough To Start Dating Again?

This can be one of the harder questions to answer, especially when you’re plagued by doubt. But the truth is… you are. Except there’s no such thing as universal compatibility when dating. We all have our own peculiar strengths and weaknesses. It’s what makes us human. You can’t force compatibility—or chemistry for that matter. But you can learn to be honest with yourself and others. Everything else comes naturally.

What Can I Offer That Others Can’t?

What is it that makes you unique? A catch? What’s something you can provide a partner that no one else can? Lots of people have both jobs, responsibilities and savings. Many of them may be quite intelligent. Many of them may even be down to earth. But what makes you… well, you? Learning to find what is distinct about you is the first step to getting your confidence back. Make a list of all your accomplishments and strengths. Everything you can think of, no matter how small. You’d be surprised at just how much you can stand out when it comes to dating.

What Have I Learned Before I Start Dating Again?

No matter how devastated your last break up might have left you, there’s always room to grow and evolve as a result. Every experience we have—whether we lose a job or a relationship—is a learning experience. Sometimes, that can be as simple as asking the right questions. Other times, it can be as difficult as learning how to communicate effectively. Take what you’ve learned to heart. Don’t see your break up as a punishment, but an opportunity.  One that can bring you real happiness, not a substitute.

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  • Arven

    Good info! Makes me feel confident again!

  • Tigran

    Should I date, should be older women. But all married? Should I date again with younger women?


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